Have you ever read about Mark Gungor’s Flag page? Patrick and I went to a marriage conference a few years ago at our church and it was such a great experience.

Mark Gungor’s flag page fits me to a tee. I’m about to show you more about who I am and my heart than most people would know without asking…

You can click on them to make them bigger to read.

So I know that is a lot of information about myself that you might just sound like a whole bunch of mumble jumble but if I had to describe myself and my heart, my flag page is the perfect representation. Ok ok. What does all of that have to do with anything? Everything.

Did you see that my home country is perfect country? Do you know what I struggle with the most? Feeling like I constantly am failing perfection. I like my house to be clean, my life to be planned, things to be on schedule. That would be the most ideal situation. Real life though? I’m constantly cleaning with the feeling of never completing it. My dinner menu is constantly changing because schedules change and unpredictable things happen. My craft projects take weeks to complete and baking takes hours. Can I be honest? I struggle with becoming frustrated when the plan changes.

I read a blog about how we have to stop judging other moms because we all have different strengths and weaknesses. This was based off of a few other blog posts that were floating around about how kids are messy so it’s ok to have your house messy because it means you’re a real mom who spends more time with her kids then worrying about her home. You see, that’s not fair. I thrive and am a better mom/person when my home is clean. I can’t function whenever there is stuff everywhere. It’s just who I am though and it doesn’t mean I’m not a real mom spending less time with my kid. 

I’m sorry but can I just punch whoever started this “you’re a real mom only if you do xyz” thing? Gosh. Stupid.

I love to blog. Does that make me a real mom? I am a stay at home mom. Does that make me any more of a mom than the woman who goes to work full time? NO. I birthed Bennett. Does that make me any more of a mom than someone who adopts? If you even considered any other answer than no, go ahead and just march yourself to time-out and sit there for a while.

I think I’m getting off on a tangent, but I just wanted to share with you one of my struggles with Mamahood. That feeling of failing. Ever feel like you’re failing your kids? Your husband? I put so much pressure on myself which then turns into me putting unfair pressure on Patrick to have everything perfect that when it’s not, I feel like I’m drowning in failure. I beat myself up and that’s just not cool.

Patrick does an amazing job at encouraging me when he can tell I’m starting to feel like it’s all falling a part. There is nothing wrong with liking stuff a certain way but when I start telling myself that I’m failing as a mom and wife, well that’s just not how God see’s me.

A few weeks ago, Patrick went to bed early because he wasn’t feeling well. Bennett’s bedtime came and I walked upstairs to this:

“Thanks for being a great mom. I love you so much” 

I then turned it into this:

It was just the reminder I needed and still need to hear. I feel like I fail as a mom to Bennett when I get frustrated with him. It’s over stupid stuff like when he scratches the mess out of me with his talons. Why are they long though? Because I really hate cutting them. Sigh. Babies shouldn’t be born with nails in my opinion.

Anyways, just wanted to have an honest Relbot Mamahood moment. Everything is a learning process when you become a mom. It’s constantly “yes this works… no that didn’t work. Wow that was an epic fail.”

I’m thankful that I have a husband who reminds me that even though I feel like I’m failing, often I’m not. If you’re struggling with the thoughts of failure, know that most likely you’re not.

If you read my blog, you might remember that Patrick and I have a 4 year old habit that we need to break now that Bennett has arrived. What is it?

Biting our nails? No. Eating too much little caears pizza? Maybe… How about eating dinner in our living room. Yes.

Patrick and I have eaten dinner on our couches since day one of marriage. We MAYBE have eaten at our kitchen table 5 times in the past 4.5 years. Our table has only been a home to snail mail, our aloe plant Marley and the various arts and craft projects I embark on.

Patrick and I both grew up eating dinner around a kitchen table. We want Bennett to grow up eating dinner aroudn the kitchen table. What is hard though is breaking the habit of watching our favorite show while eating dinner on the couch. Even when I was 38 weeks pregnant, I would sit on the floor of our living room and use the coffee table to eat off of. It never even crossed my mind that maybe sitting at a table might make things easier. It’s just what we have always done.

We will be introducing food to Bennett once he turns 6 months so we knew when Bennett turned 4 months we needed to start introducing our new family routine. So this week I placed Bennett’s high chair at the table and made it a purpose to plan dinner at the table that night.

Night one? Weird but good.

Night two? Completely forgot. We ate dinner in the living room as usual.

Last night? After a stressful day we reluctantly sat at the table but we did it!

You might not understand why this even deserves a blog post but it’s a big deal to us! It’s just another Relbot Adventure that we have embarked on. It will be fun to look back on this post when Bennett is 5 and we have forgotten the days of couch eating while watching our favorite shows.

Patrick said something to me the other day while we did Bennett’s bedtime routine that really struck my heart strings. Well…. it actually made me sad but thinking of Bennett growing up in general is such a bittersweet thought process.

“Bennett won’t remember any of this.”

Some of the sweetest moments I have had with Bennett, he won’t remember them when he get’s older. He won’t remember me rocking him in the middle of the night, he won’t remember the day he was born which completely changed my life or many other events that will happen his first year.  

These past four months have been filled with so much love, joy, hard work and patience as Patrick and I have morphed into being mom and dad… and he won’t remember any of it. One reason I love to journal, blog, take pictures and videos, is so that we can remember the little things.

For example, one of my favorite things to do is wake Bennett up in the morning (or go in there to get him). He doesn’t often wake up crying, normally we hear him cooing and talking over the monitor and we know he is ready to eat. I decided to capture a short video of me waking him up so that I can show him when he is older.

Enjoy one of my favorite videos to date of my sweet little boy.

I saw the most fantastic video floating on Facebook a few days ago. I’m not usually one to watch and share things or look at all the little video’s that are on there now a days. However, I decided to click the link and watch the video and well… you should watch it for yourself too.

So perfect, right??? It’s such a great reminder that no matter how you decide to raise your child, we are all parents. We all (hopefully) have the best intentions in our hearts for our little ones. I forget where I read it, probably another blog, but as mom’s we are putting so much pressure on ourselves because of social media, pinterest inspired crafts, spotless and smudge free homes, and filters that make our lives look picture perfect. Anyways, it got me thinking of some advice I received over the summer from a mama of five who are ALL under the age of 5!!! Her words spoke to me then but now that Bennett has arrived, they resonate even louder.

“Figure out what works and doesn’t work for your family and stick to that”

Ok, those might not be her EXACT words but that is what I took away from it. For example, she doesn’t attend birthday parties. With 5 children and birthday parties always on the weekend, she values her limited family time on the weekends over going to tons of birthday parties.

It works for her family so that is what she does and she doesn’t apologize for it. 

The stuff that  worked for Patrick and I as a family has changed since Bennett has arrived. There has been one thing that works for our family and that is Bennett’s bedtime routine. From day one we have kept the same time and bedtime routine with very little exceptions. I guard this routine with everything I have in me. Why? Because it works for my family. Bennett is a great sleeper and I don’t operate very well with very little sleep. Never have. Probably never will. I am pretty flexible throughout the day with what time he eats, naps, does…. but come 7:45. I’m strict. I’m stubborn. I don’t want to compromise the routine. Bennett and I are both getting a good nights rest and it is what works for us.

Before Bennett was born, I read babywise. I was armed and ready to sleep train, cry it out and get him on a schedule. Then he was born and I decided it just wasn’t for me and my family. It was actually one event that changed it all for both Patrick and I. Around a week old, we had done our bedtime routine, put him in his crib, had the monitors on and went to bed. Fifteen minutes later, I hear Bennett crying. I was exhausted and sleep deprived. He’s a week old, eating throughout the night and we knew that co-sleeping wasn’t for us. I thought, “Hey, this is a great time to let him cry it out (a babywise term)”. He cried for a few minutes and then stopped. I felt relief and then something seemed off. I looked at the monitor, he was kind of flailing and I decided to go check on him even though he wasn’t crying anymore.

Sheer panic as I went into his room. He had spit up and was gagging on his vomit. Like, trying to gasp for air, spit up all around him, eyes turning red, not breathing. I screamed for Patrick, and after some desperate attempts to clear his airways, he was fine and I broke down in tears. I ignored him when he needed me. I let him cry it out when he was actually crying to tell me something was wrong. Patrick and I decided that crying it out wasn’t for us that night. Babywise didn’t work for us. It probably could but we have decided it’s not the path we want to take. That’s just us though! Do what works for YOU!

Bennett has never been much of a crier. He fusses occasionally but normally when he cries, it’s because something is wrong or he’s hungry. From the beginning, he has put himself to sleep without crying. It’s not due to anything we have done as parents, it’s just his personality. We haven’t had to do any sleep training and he typically sleeps for 9 pm to 5 am now before eating and then going back to bed until around 7:30. The only credit I can give to him being a great sleeper, other than Bennett just being Bennett, is our bedtime routine. We make sure that at 7:45 we start his routine. Both Patrick and I get him ready for bed every night, we then pray for him and finally I feed him and put him in his crib for the night. I then get ready and go to bed right after he is down. I normally am asleep by 9:30. Every. Single. Night. It’s the same but it works for us.

We have had to decline going to events or leave early because it interferes with his bedtime and my “bedtime”. I don’t operate well on little sleep and since Bennett is sleeping so well at night, I rather do what works for us than to take a chance. I rather feel great during the day than stay up late or have Bennett miss his bedtime and neither of us sleep well. Bennett and I both are morning people. 5 am? No problem. 4:30 am? It’s not the worst time of the day for me. 11 at night? I think the world is ending.  We start to fall apart at night. We get cranky, tired and melt downs (from both of us) are highly likely.

Some of the best advice I have received is to do what works for your family and don’t feel guilty about it! Just don’t! I have spent too many nights feeling guilty about sticking to my guns about his bedtime but it is what works for us! Hey, when he gets older, it might change but for now… this is what we do. I might be a semi-crunchy mama, but it’s what works for my family. We do cloth diapers, baby wearing, amber teething jewelry, essential oils…. whatever. It is what works for my family. Do what works for yours! We are all parents with the best intentions in our hearts!

So, if you’re struggling with guilt about doing something that works for your family because it isn’t what everyone else is doing. DON’T FEEL GUILTY! Do whatever works for your family. You’re going to be the best judge of what works for in your household.

Happy parenting with whatever works for you and your household 🙂

I just had to take 2000 cell phone pictures off of my phone because I ran out of room to take more photos…. SO here are some that I wanted to add to the blog 🙂