It’s hard to stop and sit and turn off the lists upon lists of things that need to be done. It’s like the Star Wars intro that scrolls. It seems like it’s never ending. Even as I sit here and type, there are unfolded clothes thrown onto the couch to my left, Bennett’s pacifier on the ground, cardstock and washi tape on my end table from constructing stuff for B’s party…. there are always things to be done. I went to sleep last night without doing my nightly clean up.

One of the hardest things this past year has been to find time (and discipline)  to be quiet, alone and in the Word. To close the door and sit at the feet of Jesus. To hand him my tired heart and busy mind and find the refreshing and renewing strength that comes from being in the Word.

Again, I struggle with always thinking I can do better. Do more. I struggle with a Martha personality.

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Luke 10:38-42 Amplified Bible (AMP)

Martha and Mary

³⁸ Now while they were on their way, Jesus entered a village [called Bethany], and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. ³⁹ She had a sister named Mary, who seated herself at the Lord’s feet and was continually listening to His teaching. ⁴⁰ But Martha was very busy and distracted with all of her serving responsibilities; and she approached Him and said, “Lord, is it of no concern to You that my sister has left me to do the serving alone? Tell her to help me and do her part.” ⁴¹ But the Lord replied to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered and anxious about so many things; ⁴² but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part [that which is to her advantage], which will not be taken away from her.”

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When you’re a mom, wife, business woman, friend (17 other hats), the lists are never ending. As soon as you check one thing off, there is need to add 4.5 more things.

Some days I imagine Jesus just standing in my kitchen, with a soft smile on His face watching me run around like a chicken with it’s head cut off. Going in a million directions, needing an extra set of hands, emotionally trying to keep it together as my 1 year old is being stepped on because he feels like distance between us is overrated. I keep saying, one second Jesus. I’ll be right with you. Just hold on. I’m coming. Oh, B just pulled every muffin tin out of the cabinet. Hold on, Jesus. Let me clean that up and then I’ll be with you. He eventually grabs a chair and sits because He’s been waiting so long. Oh Jesus, one second. I need to start dinner. Could you just camp out for a few minutes longer? I’ll be right with you. Finds that B isn’t under my feet but has ventured off and found his way into the toilet. Jesus. I’m so so so sorry. I need to go clean up my germ infested child. Jesus, can I get you a glass of water while you wait? Let me wash my hands first as I just was holding a flailing toilet water covered little boy who is crying because he doesn’t understand why toilets are on the don’t touch list. Jesus patiently waits and stares at me. . not with the you’ve missed our appointment eye roll stare but instead with the, I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere.

I have a Martha personality. There’s nothing wrong with having a Martha personality. Just don’t let it overshadow your Mary heart. 

I love the early mornings. It’s quiet. I can drink my coffee before it gets cold. I feel prepared to conquer the day before B wakes up. I can use the bathroom without anyone trying to come in and open every cabinet drawer and eat every possible toxic item there is. Can I get an Amen?!

I love the early mornings because I’m not exhausted to the point where my eyelids shut involuntarily from the weights that somehow got hooked to them throughout the day.

Early mornings allow me to sit and soak in who God is. His love for me. I find hope and joy in the day. When I try and have quiet time in the evenings, it usually results in me feeling regret and sorrow over what I could have done differently, what I could have done more of, how I could of been a better mom, wife, business owner. It’s not the same.

There is hope in the morning.

It’s another reason why I like going to bed with a clean house. It helps me sit and relax when I get up (what a foreign concept) and really focus on having good quality time with God. It helps me temporarily shut off the Star Wars type lists that scroll through my mind.

It’s hard to not let a Martha personality overshadow a Mary heart. Jesus starts off at the top of our lists but somehow ends up in the section that gets put off until tomorrow…. and then the next day… and the next day. He is left standing in my kitchen staring at me. Yet He never gives up on me. He says, “Let’s try again tomorrow”. He calls me with a gentle whisper of grace, hope, mercy and love. A demonstration of a relentless love pursuit. 

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Matthew 11:28-30 Amplified Bible (AMP)

²⁸ “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation]. ²⁹ Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me [following Me as My disciple], for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest (renewal, blessed quiet) for your souls. ³⁰ For My yoke is easy [to bear] and My burden is light.”

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Moms, wives, business women. Let’s not forget to put Jesus at the top of our lists. Everything else can wait. Let us find our strength and energy in Him and His word. Are you physically exhausted? Emotionally drained? Feel like everyday is an uphill battle? When’s the last time you sat, soaked and were renewed in the Word?

Jesus, today I choose you. You’re at the top of my list.

While thinking of topics I wanted to talk about that really related to the first year, my mind kept coming back to my post baby body. What a amazing and crazy two years it has been. Why do you say 2? Well, almost a year of a hard pregnancy and then a very long and hard birth and finally a year of breastfeeding.

We live in such a oversexualized and photoshopped world that a post baby body is looked at with more shame and disgust than admiration and awe. The movies turn labor and delivery into a dramatic horror show instead of a beautiful and life changing moment. How we should bounce back and look after birth is often far from the reality.

If you’ve read my blog at all this past year, you know that I gained 50 lbs during my pregnancy. My body hung onto every single calorie that I ate. The crazy  part is, I didn’t start gaining weight until 18 weeks because I was so sick I lost 12 lbs. So I lost 12 lbs over 18 weeks and then in 21 weeks, I gained 50. Saying that still makes me grit my teeth. That is A LOT of weight for my 5 foot 3 inch frame.

Does the beauty and worth of the same woman change from picture to picture? No. 

Then why do I struggle with picture #2? 

The world has skewed the definition of beauty. 

I’m a part of a very small group of women, we call ourselves The Tribe. We have a secret Facebook page that allows us to get real, talk about real things, ask hard questions, find support from like minded woman. It’s a safe zone. Before you shake your head and call it a false and unreal friendship, we are all real life and in person friends too. ❤ The facebook page just lets us communicate with everyone all at once (like a group text).Some days we post jokes, some days we share our struggles. I decided to ask them to help me with this blog post.

I asked, “How do you honestly feel about your baby body?” They all agreed that I could anonymously share their answers because they were so great. Very moving. Read it as you would read Facebook comments coming one after another. Each bullet means it’s a new person talking. I’ve removed all the names. The thing I love about this group is that we are all very different. Different backgrounds, ages, religious beliefs, body types and births…. you name it, we’re different. What brings us together though is that we are all crunchy (natural minded) and we all have kids.

Here are some of their answers:

•  It took me a long time to be ok with my post baby body, but now I love it most of the time. There are things I’d like to change, but when I start to feel bad about it, I gently remind myself how freaking awesome it is! It grew two babies. It birthed two babies (like a champ). And it’s fed two babies. One baby with some supplementing and one completely on its own. Of course that kind of amazing-ness is going to show some signs of happening.
• Immediately after I am annoyed with it. Not fitting into clothes and not having stuff to wear. After 6-8 mo I feel good. Stretch marks don’t bug me at all but mine are minimal. I have a scar from a belly button ring in college… How can I really complain about scarring from child-bearing?! I mostly struggle with my body seeming to fall apart (age and disease). Like my hand hurts so bad today and I don’t know why. The varicose veins are really annoying and frustrating.
• hate hate hate my belly!!! like I look at it every morning with full on hate…..on the other hand….I love my c-sec scar. that I am proud of. no, I never wanted it..I have been opened 4 times and have 4 beautiful babies! I weigh less now than when we were married but nothing looks the same! everything hangs or flops
• I love my body! It’s taken a long time to get here, a lot of “retraining” my brain, a lot of unsubscribing to social standards (I don’t buy those horrible magazines that talk about weight loss all the time or watch any TV that is all about looks – usually reality stuff- or engage in body bashing talk or read articles about weightless or use “fitspiration”), and some days I still buy into the bs that is our social preoccupation with women’s bodies, but most of the time I don’t. I truly don’t care anymore. I don’t care how other people view what I look like. I know my worth doesn’t lie in what I look like. I think some of it has come with age, but most has come with awareness of how messed up the women’s “role” in our society is, and refusing to buy into it anymore.
  I want to help more women love their bodies too
• I agree that it helps to remember that what we are IS normal. You can apply countless creams and do countless surgeries and inject yourself with countless things to make it disappear, but that’s ABNORMAL. And like ^^^^ touched on, tv and magazines and media is so so fake. I mean… like coated in make-up and touched-up fake. You know, as a photographer, how much you can alter with the click of a button. But there’s real life beneath and all women struggle to a degree at some point. It’s a daily choice to love yourself.
• Funny I was just talking to ******* about my belly this morning. She was watching me change and said “Ew, I see your belly.” And I asked, “what do you mean, ew? My stomach shows I’m a mommy and that I have had three babies!”
  Unfortunately my own mom hates her belly from having 5 kids. And my girls asked to see her belly button and she said her stomach is ugly from having kids.
  I had to have a talk with her and tell her not to call her stomach ugly because it’s going to make them believe after having a baby they’re “ugly”. That is the last thing I want them to believe. I want them to start knowing now that a woman who carried a baby into this world is marked as a trophy and testimony to everyone and herself of her amazing accomplishment.
  I constantly remind them I’m proud of my belly. Even though I may not think it at times (especially in summer) but it’s been something I had to overcome from my moms views and I don’t want them to overcome it- it should just be a know.
  I know it’s not easy. Especially when I see other women bounce right back to their pre-pregnancy bodies and I did with the twins but not this time.
  I have been working to get my body close to what I am happy with. Not where I was. I won’t ever have the body I once had and I’m okay with that, that body doesn’t bear proof of child bearing, but I can get to a place where I am healthy and feel good about myself by taking care of my body.
• Oooo… I also think about how God never designed childbirth and motherhood to contain negativity. He created things perfectly and in perfect harmony. So the negative things are not of Him and then I try to choose to see things through His eyes. To allow myself to be annoyed by the fallen nature of things, but rejoice in His love and provision, which of course goes full circle in His love and provision in our Savior Jesus Christ. So when I have time to really think about life I find it easier to focus on God’s overwhelming love for me and then the things I don’t love so much about myself seem so meaningless in contrast. Because, they don’t matter. Not to God. And that’s the kind of love I want to share with other people. So I have to really own it to be able to share it.
• I was just thinking about how back in that time, child bearing was a MUST. And women who couldn’t have kids were basically useless. As terrible as it sounds. Women yearned to have children and women who did were glorified. So I would imagine in that time, having a body that showed proof of childbearing was a glorified body and women were very proud of it.
  Our time a culture really distorts what our bodies should look like.
• That’s a huge part of this ^^^^^^^ I grew up with a mother that wouldn’t leave the house without make up and always talked bad about her body. She honestly hates herself. It had a ginormous impact on me. I never want my children to feel bad about their bodies because of how I feel about mine. When we show distain for parts of ourselves instead of love and compassion, our children start to feel that for themselves as well. We are role models for everything, self worth especially.
• Personally – not a huge fan of my body. Luckily my boys love it. And ******* even laid his head on my belly last night while we were cuddling – he said “I love your belly mom cause it’s so big” I’m sure he meant squishy but hey, he finds comfort in it. I’ve struggled more so on the self image because of the csection I think – cause I blame my body for failing. And the scar has giving me issues and it’s painful to run. But I’ve since found a solution to it.
• Yes! I think part of it was that time period. To be a confident woman and one that was proud of her body was looked down upon. Truthfully it still is today in many ways. My mom always would talk about how awful she looked without make up or how horrible her stomach was with her stretch marks. I love my mom and she helps us out so much, but she never has been a confident woman. She doesn’t love herself or her body. She’s allowed a lot of people to walk all over her. And that was what I learned. It’s taken a lot of time to overcome all of that. I refuse to raise my girls the same way. I want them to love their bodies now, and always. I’ve also told her she is not allowed to talk bad about her body in front of them. Society’s standards on beauty are constantly changing. And usually unrealistic. I make sure they know that I love my body and it’s done some really amazing things, and continues to do so. It’s not a trophy that’s meant to stay on the shelf. It’s a well oiled machine that is meant to do countless things. Also I’ve seen so many women give birth and In different ways. Let me tell the beauty of the mother far outshines any “damage”. There is nothing more beautiful than a mother. Our stretch marks should be honored. Our stretched skin, our extra fat reserves, our scars, and so many other things are signs of something so beautiful. They should be loved and appreciated, not looked at with hate.
• I should also follow up with – I was raised the same – mom always looked presentable (and she still won’t leave the house all done up). And my dad always made comments “oh should you be eating that?” Or “I just want you to be happy” he’d never say I’m overweight or fat but he’d applaud me when I was at my skinniest. So I struggled with my weight thought out high school and ended up borderline eating disorder. It’s not something that will ever stop for me. I look in the mirror and don’t see an amazing body that’s done so many things etc. I’m programmed to think – ugh those extra pounds do not look good. Luckily – I like eating – but I doubt I’ll ever love how I look. I won’t ever voice it in front of my kids though.
• The irony is that in Namibia older women, Memes, are all delightfully plump which is what they aspire to look like. It means they don’t have to work out in the field anymore and can relax. I was always complemented on how fat I was getting after a weekend away from my village. Such a different view of beauty.
• So right after having ********* I was very proud of my body. It had carried a baby, gave birth to that baby, and then proceeded to feed that baby. After a few months I was frustrated though for not being able to fit into my clothes and I hate my stretch marks. I working on getting past the way my stretch marks look. I’ve even promised myself that next summer I will wear a bikini. Simply because I was comfortable in a bikini before I had stretch marks even when I weighed more than I do now, so I refuse to let the stretch marks keep me from wearing what I want. Weight has always been a big issue though. My mom was picked on severely by her father for being chunky. She was also picked on in school for it. She never said bad things about my weight but would say things like “I just don’t want you to be made fun of.” I don’t blame her for those things. She genuinely just didn’t want me to go through the same thing she did. I feel the same way about my baby sister. I would never say anything but I am afraid she will be picked on in school and I feel like maybe she already has been. She recently asked me how much I weighed and I told her. She replied with “I’m only 7 and weigh a 100 pounds and you are 23 and only weigh 55 pounds more than me.” I just said that weight wasn’t something she needed to worry about. I didn’t know how to handle the situation and then I regretted even answering her question… My mom also made her weight an excuse as to why she couldn’t do stuff. I remember being small and asking her to race me and she would say things like, “I’m to fat to run.” We also went hiking and rock climbing with the girl scouts once and I begged my mom to come with me and she said she couldn’t because she was fat. I don’t know that stuff has always stuck with me. Again I don’t blame her or resent her for the things she said it just makes me very body conscious. I’m working on loving the way I look and being proud of the things my body has done.
• I don’t see my body as something post baby. Actually the parts of me that are post baby like boobs and stretch marks and even the tearing didn’t phase me. It’s the parts that I’m responsible for damaging that’s hard. But I’m trying to find a self acceptance place. Not meaning I won’t love me till I’m skinny. I’m just trying to love any shape I’m I’m because that’s how God has me shaped right now.

Here is was my input:

I mourn my skin. A good portion of my skin is covered in this. I know I can gain and lose weight but the thought of this never going away makes me sad.I have to remind myself as well that the baby was worth it but I’m still mourning.

I’ve done a lot of reflecting for this post… and over this past year. My initial reaction to my thoughts are to shame myself for even caring about how I look. Like, ohhhh Ann, it doesn’t matter. Don’t be conceited. It’s just skin. It’s just weight. None of those things define you.

You’re right. They don’t. I need to drop the shame though and instead I need a gentle reminder to acknowledge but don’t dwell. 

There is sadness because the skin I was in for 24 years is now very different but I can’t dwell on it. I can’t harp on it every single day. Mentally beating myself down. Acknowledge it, then move on. Here’s the thing though, you might have to do this several times a day.

Now this is often easier said than done, especially when everywhere you look has picture of what people idolize as the “perfect” body. It all comes back to the standard of beauty and where you find your worth. Are you defined by what the world says you should be/look like or do you find yourself in who God has said you are and called you to be?

My favorite verse (that’s at the top of the page) has been with me since high school and it reminds me of what is important when the world is screaming at you that you need to weigh x amount, have a cellulite-less body and fit into size x jean. Your boobs can’t sag, your butt needs to be perky, your face acne-less, your nose completely different.  The list is endless.

What’s precious to God though? A gentle and quiet spirit. The woman who sits at his feet. The woman who loves without reserve on her family and her community. The woman who see’s her worth not from the outside but instead, the inside. I’m preaching to myself. I still struggle with recognizing the internal worth and offering myself grace. I’m really really hard on myself. I don’t say that for sympathy, I just say it to let you know that we all have our struggles and I struggle with offering myself grace when I feel like I’ve failed. It can be a vicious internal cycle. Shoot – this blog post just got reallll. 😉 Trying to lighten the mood.

This is such a raw and revealing post for me. I don’t want to come across as “all I care about is my looks” but instead, I want there to be a sense of comradery. We have all dealt with this in some way or another. Some days it’s hard to process and deal with it all. Worthy of a blog post? I thought so. Or maybe you’re all just rolling your eyes at me? All 200+ of you who read. (Talk about intimidating).

There is no real end to this blog post. No tidy perfect ending. This journey is continuous. It’s a daily point to accept this new mom bod I have and to know that I’ll go through the same 2 year journey again (one day). It’s hard. Is it worth it? Absolutely. Do I need daily reminders to love myself because there is so much more than the outside shell? Yes.

So, if you have a new mom bod or a not so new mom bod but you’re struggling, let’s really work on giving ourselves more grace. Focus on seeing your worth because of the mighty God that dwells in you instead of the outside shell that faces the seasons as they change. Your beauty is internal. You’re not defined by the shell. No matter the shape, weight or condition of the exterior, it doesn’t change your worth or how much God adores you.

Compliment a friend today. I’m sure they need to hear it.

Online. Grocery. Shopping. 

It changed my life. I’m not joking.

Grocery shopping completely changed for me after I had Bennett. It no longer was just annoying to pop into the store… it was a complete overwhelming ordeal. I had to find a time that he wouldn’t be nursing. Get him ready. Get me ready. Pack the diaper bag. Carry in a car seat, keep him entertained…. the list goes on. It was horrible.

Then I discovered Harris Teeter Online Shopping. The first time was free so I tried it out and I was immediately sold.

What I love about Harris Teeter Online Shopping:

1. All of my recipes are on pinterest. So instead of pulling up Pinterest, writing down a list, taking to the store, trying to find everything, putting it into the cart, then onto the conveyer belt, then back into the cart, then into my car, then finally into my house all while juggling a baby….  This is what I do.
   1. Sit on my couch, open p interest and harris teeter online shop. Look at ingredients on Pinterest, Add them to my cart on Harris teeter. Drive to harris teeter, they load them into my car and then drive home and unload. HA. You tell me which one sounds better

2. The meat comes straight from the butcher in the shop. So. Much. Better.

3. If they are out of what you order, they will substitute you with a larger version or better version for the same price of what you ordered. For example. I order a small size of peanut butter on sale? They were out, so they give me the larger version for the SAME sale price as the smaller one. WINNING!

4. You can order days in advance. I order groceries every 2 days so that non of my vegetables or meat go bad. Patrick and I’s schedules are constantly changing and we use to waste SO much food simply because I would have already bought meat/produce and then our schedules would change and it wouldn’t get used.

5. You can sort items by brand, price, unit price, organic etc.

6. You can look at EVERYTHING that is on sale, all at the same time. Just click the “Specials” category!

7. I was worried that they would give me the ugly/bruised or rotten produce simply because I couldn’t go in and choose it myself. THIS IS SO FAR FROM THE TRUTH! They call you after they finish shopping and I have had them tell me that their (xyz) isn’t up to their own standards so they won’t give it to you. OR I asked for slightly green banana’s. They weren’t slightly green so they gave them to me for free.

8. I can order groceries and Patrick can pick them up on his way home.

9. I never get out of my car. It takes MAXIMUM 10 minutes to pick up groceries.

10. Snow storm coming? No worries. No fighting the crowds. Order online and go pick up! 😀

11. Going on vacation and don’t want to grocery shop when you get back? Order them before you leave, set up the pickup date/time for when you’re returning and swing by on your way home! VOILA!

12. Their customer service is impossible to beat.

13. You save so much money because you’re not impulse buying. You don’t see the doughnuts unless you search for them!

14. You can really see the price difference between stuff. You see unit prices, name brand vs non name brand. You see how much everything costs when you add it to your cart instead of being surprised at check out. It’s fantastic. Every budget-ers dream!

Here’s an example of what you see during online shopping. I searched Oatmeal. It shows me every single brand. You can search by Best Match, alphabetical order of brands, Lowest to high price or Unit price. You can click organic, HT brand, Different categories oatmeal could be in…

You see what’s currently on sale, on the main search and you can create different lists. So I created a Breakfast list and add oatmeal, bananas, bread, eggs, etc. SO that way I don’t have to search for oatmeal every time I need it. Just go to my breakfast list and it’s already there. Easy Peasy.

I paid $100 for this service for 1 year and it’s one of the best $100 I’ve ever spent.

SO – that is one of the best things I did during Bennett’s first year.

Oh those first two weeks. They truly are the hardest. I stand here almost a year later though and I can assure you, it does get better.

2 weeks old!

Excuse me while I sob as I plan his first birthday.

The first two weeks are actually a blur. I think if I didn’t have such a hard labor, maybe the first two weeks wouldn’t have been as hard? That’s the thing, I can only tell you my account of MY first two weeks. Your birth, your baby and your first two weeks can be the total opposite. So don’t let my account totally freak you out (all you first time moms). Or hey, if you’re a seasoned mom and you can agree that the first two weeks are the hardest, here is a digital fist bump and hashtag #wesurvived.

Ok, went into Labor 4:30 on Wednesday the 24th, He arrived on Thursday at 9:17 am on the 25th, We spent all day Thursday at the hospital, Thursday night and checked out Friday evening. I had to really think about all that because in all seriousness, it all is a blur. You lose track of days and times in the hospital.

I was on some serious pain killers after B was born so that doesn’t help. Now that I’m thinking back on it… I’m wondering how safe they were for B? Good thing to look into for baby #2.  I didn’t even second guess what they handed me… Hmmmm. I don’t think I could have done it though without whatever I was on. I did have to wean myself off of it after 2 weeks.

So you get home. Now what? Here are a few tips. 

1. Put a dark colored towel down on the couch where you will sit. That post postpartum bleeding is no joke. Thankfully nothing crazy ever happened, but it was nice to have it there. Same for your bed.
2. Take your pads… the largest heaviest overnight pads the store offers and put them in every bathroom. The last thing you want to do is go to one bathroom and not have what you need in there. I had a bathroom bin I carried from bathroom to bathroom that had my essentials… I’ll list those further down.
3. Have a water bottle. If you’re nursing, you’re going to get thirsty. DRINK A TON OF WATER!
4. Accept help. I’m really really really bad at this. BUT I’m so thankful for everyone who brought us food, gift cards, etc. Also my mom and Patrick’s mom were rockstars.

My postpartum bathroom essentials:

1. The peri bottle (it’s a squirt bottle) that they give you at the hospital is so essential. You’re not going to want to wipe with toilet paper. Things are going to be a little sore for a few weeks (again, maybe it was just me). Use the peri bottle and baby wipes. I found that the harris teeter brand feminine wipes most resembled the ones from the hospital which by far exceeded any that I bought once I got home. MAKE SURE THE WIPES DON’T HAVE ALCOHOL!!! That is the most important part.
2. Always overnight heaviest protection pads with wings! Ok, I was dumb and only bought one pack of these before B arrived…. which resulted in me sending P to CVS with a picture text, trying to find the right ones. Buy at least 2 packs. I promise you’ll go through them.
3.  Tucks Pads – These are the bomb.com. If you have stitches, these really really help and soothe.
4.  The numbing spray they give you at the hospital. Who even knew that this stuff existed?!?! Numbing spray for what, Ann?! Oh you know… use your imagination. You can spray it on directly or on the pad. #twothumbsup #thethingsnoonetalksabout
5. I had bought stuff for the frozen pads with witch hazel that you see on Pinterest…. never used them. The tucks wipes were virtually the same things.

Your body.

I wore pregnancy clothes into the hospital and pregnancy clothes out. Your body might bounce back quicker but just in case it takes a little longer, bring some comfy clothes to go home in

.

About 10 hours before I went into labor vs. 2.5 weeks postpartum. I think that was the hardest part to accept. Everything takes time. Your uterus was STRETCHED and now it has to shrink. Give your body grace, it just did something amazing.

OR you could fit back immediately into your prepregnancy clothes. There is no way to know. Everyone is different.

Funny story, when we brought B over to meet our neighbors, they were telling their son, “Look! Baby Bennett is on the outside now” and he looks at me, looks at my stomach and says, “Well… kind of… you still have one in there”. HA.

Everyone says, Sleep when they sleep.

 I’m not good at napping. Even when B was brand new and I was deliriously exhausted, I just couldn’t shut my mind off during the day to take a nap. One thing that really helped me though was I would nurse B around 7 pm, I would go to bed, Patrick would stay up until 11 pm downstairs with B and I would get 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I then would get up every 3-4 hours to feed him throughout the night. We did this for the first 2 weeks before B started getting on a schedule and we started an actual bedtime routine with him.  You just gotta do what works for you and your family! If napping works, GREAT! Do it! 🙂

Those hormones though…

There is so much preparation for the actual birth that once they arrive, you’re left not knowing what to expect. My postpartum hormones were intense. More intense than anything I have ever experienced. One thing that kind of blind sided me was I dealt with a lot of anxiety after B was born. All this stuff is normal and is your body regulating. After the first two weeks, everything starts to level out! (If it doesn’t, consider talking to your OB). Hang in there mama, it all gets better

It’s all a learning curve.

No matter which baby you’re on, it’s all a learning curve. It’s about having no expectations and taking it day by day. The first two weeks, you’ll start to figure out what your baby likes vs doesn’t like. Swaddled or not swaddled. Paci or no paci. Rocked, bounced or swung. Once you think you’ve got it figured out… it will change. The thing is, is It will never get “easier”, just different. A year later, B sleeps through the night but isn’t sleeping NEARLY as long during the day (newborns sleep a lot…. even if they don’t… they do). Now my days are starting at 4:45 am not because B is awake…. but because it’s the only time I have to do…. well anything…. without him. A year later and it’s still a learning curve. I’m sure whenever we have baby #2 I’ll have to write another “Those first two weeks (with 2 kids)” post.

The first two weeks = survival mode. Rest as much as possible. Take it day by day. Love on that little bundle of joy. Try not to get overwhelmed by them screaming/crying at you. Visit a lactation consultant if you’re having trouble with nursing. Try to verbalize your feelings with your spouse. The first two weeks are exhausting but you’ll get through them.

It’s all so worth it.

The month of September, I’ll be blogging and reflecting on my first year of mama hood. To start, let’s go back to before Bennett was here and waiting for his arrival. Here is my advice for all the first time mom’s who are anxiously awaiting their little ones.

Hello September! This time last year, I was anxiously awaiting my due date. Trying to imagine my what Bennett would look like. Hair? No hair? 6 lbs? 9 lbs? Tan like me? White like his daddy? 😉  My toes? His daddy’s nose?

How would labor start? Would I know it’s labor? Would my water break? Would I be ready?

So many unknowns for new moms. With Facebook, the anticipation is even worse. Everyone is stalking your page. It’s easier to know when a baby arrives. Heck, I’ve seen status updates from mom’s in labor!

One of my Facebook friends posted a picture of her cute pregnant self (she looked amazing) and I think she was a few days late. Everyone was commenting telling her of ways to get that baby OUT! We’ve all been there. You’re ready. Your body is tired. You’re so anxious to meet your little one after months and months of waiting. While reading the comments, all I could think about is, “What would I have done differently in those past few weeks?”

Especially at like 39 weeks, my advice to first time moms – go on some sort of date with your husband every day or night until that baby comes. Dinner dates, coffee dates, early morning dates. Spend as much quality time enjoying each other as just the two of you until your lives are changed forever by the tangible love that was created by your intimacy.

You’re never going to have this much alone time with your husband ever again (unless you sneak away on some sort of get away).

Bennett arrived and instantly our lives were changed. We were no longer just Patrick and Ann, we were mom and dad. We were a family of three. For months, what little extra energy we had was being directed towards a helpless little human being that needed us and less towards each other.

So, if you’re coming up on your due date. Go on some dates with your guy. Enjoy every last minute of just being two. ❤

39 weeks pregnant.

Our last coffee date…

simply because coffee too late in the day keeps Bennett awake.

The things you don’t think of….

He arrived 4 days later. 🙂

Have any other tips for first time moms that don’t include ways to get that baby out?

Patrick shakes his head at me but over the past couple of years I’ve become a clean freak. I use to not care. I really really really …. I don’t think you understand when I say really….. struggled with keeping a clean house.

I’ll even show you some old pictures that seriously make me cringe…..

In our old home…

Granted, this was right after a huge trip to ikea to completely redo the room… but still….

So cluttered….

Even in our new home… the now playroom stayed extremely cluttered and unusable.

Piles upon piles….

Only a few close friends ever really saw how bad it was when we lived in our old home. Between getting married and moving in together, things never got purged, everything just kind of ended up in a spot and being organized was an extremely foreign concept.

When we moved into our home a couple of years ago, we started the purging process. I learned a few things that have helped me keep my house clean.

1. If it doesn’t have a place to go, it ends up being clutter.

If I don’t have an exact spot to put something in, it ends up just floating around because it has no where to go. I have found one of the most important things for me keeping my house clean is to make sure everything has a spot. That way it’s super easy to clean. I just pick it up, put it where it needs to go instead of searching for somewhere to put it… shove it…. hide it. You know that feeling right?

No spot, something else has to go. No more piles upon piles.

2. Less is more. 

I’m finding this one out right now. Especially with B’s toys. I was looking at his playroom and it was starting to look cluttered. I was watching a clip on the Today show this past week about a mom who got rid of all of her sons toys except for 14 of them. If she brings a new toy in, she gets rid of an old one. One thing that really stuck with me was when she said, “Everyone needs a Thomas the train but you don’t need ALL different types of them. You don’t need birthday Thomas and Christmas Thomas and XYZ Thomas.”

I just applied that to B’s puzzles. I love Puzzles. He loves puzzles but I had puzzles in his playroom that weren’t age appropriate. SO, out they went and into his closet until he’s old enough to enjoy them. I left 5 puzzles in his playroom which are all age appropriate.

Also, think about this. If you walk into your office and there is junk everywhere, it will be hard to find things. Same thing applies to his playroom. I want to eliminate the “oh my gosh there are a million things in here” syndrome so that he can really see what he has. We only have two small toy bins. Everything else is on display. It makes it so he’s not dumping everything which creates a huge mess.

3. Maintaining is a lot easier than doing a massive cleaning overhaul.

I clean up everything every single night. The playroom goes back to order, the living room goes back to order, the dishes are all put away and the kitchen is clean.

Is it exhausting at times? Yes. Is it monotonous? Yes. Is it worth all the work? Absolutely.

I get stressed out when there is stuff everywhere. I can’t sit down for the night and relax if I know there is stuff to be done. Going to bed knowing that most everything is done and ready for a new day helps keep my stress down. I don’t feel overwhelmed thinking, “Oh no. It would seriously take me all day to clean everything”.

I tell Patrick that I like to live in a 30 minutes to surprise company mode. If someone called me and said, “hey, I’m stopping by in 30 minutes”, I would want to be able to have my entire house in company ready order in 30 minutes. So that typically means putting away a few dishes, picking up a few toys, taking a few things up stairs etc.

It’s a lot easier to put in 30 minutes of cleaning every night (along with the usual pick up as we go) during the day, than to spend an entire day trying to clean everything.

4. It’s a happier environment. 

I’ve lived in clutter. I’ve been drowning in a messy house before… It’s not fun. It’s stressful. It’s embarrassing at times.

Now that we are on the opposite side of that, it’s an all around happier environment. I don’t find myself getting stressed out thinking about the insane amount of work that needs to be done. There is something about a clean and organized home that is relaxing, refreshing and overall happier.

I’m at home a lot. I work from home, I am a full time stay at home mom. I want my home to be relaxing, welcoming, clean and organized. There are enough things in my life that I can worry about or get stressed about, I don’t need the space I live in to contribute to any of that.

5. It’s never ending… and you just have to accept that. 

There won’t be a single day until my kids are grown and gone, that I won’t have to work on trying to keep my house clean. There’s a meme floating around about trying to keep with a toddler is like brushing your teeth while eating oreo’s. It’s so true! It’s crazy how many times I pick up toys…. but if I don’t do it, things start to pile up… and I start to drown and it just becomes harder to get everything put away. I will be cleaning my home everyday for the next 30 years…. and I just have to accept that.

I can’t explain what happened that made me change over the years. One huge factor was when I was nesting while pregnant with B. I threw a lot out and an intense desire to organize everything overcame me. I know that whenever we have another baby, there will be new challenges in keeping my house clean but hopefully I’ll continue to still apply these tips so I don’t start drowning (again).

Helping with our nightly clean up. ❤

Have any cleaning tips for me? I would love to hear them!

Did I catch your attention? The sad part is that it really was… Ok Ok, I’ll tell you what happened.

I found a couch and oversized chair on Craigslist that was within our budget and looked GREAT! We set up a meeting time on Saturday morning to go pick them up. First we had to move ours out of the house (thanks mom for buying them from us!) and then we had to drive another 50 minutes to go get the new to us furniture.

Oh, can I tell you that Patrick and I trying to move our 8+ foot couch out of our house was a little ridiculous. If you saw the Friends meme I posted on my facebook that morning, I can tell you it wasn’t as funny as that but miraculously we did it without damaging anything and got everything and everyone loaded up.

Upon arriving at the house to pick up the new couch and chair, everything looked great. We paid for them, loaded them up and brought them home. We got them in a lot easier than trying to get our old ones out, so I was thankful to finally have my living room not look like an incomplete disaster area.

We set them into place and horror flooded me. They looked disgusting. Like absolutely nasty. Water stains, dirt stains… it was insane. I cried. What had I done?! After a little research, we found out that you can clean microfiber couches with rubbing alcohol and some scrubbing action.

6 hours later. They looked and felt brand new. Patrick and I aren’t afraid to put a little hard work into something to make it work. In between scrubbing, I decided to spray paint a few frames to help spruce them up. I removed the glass and put it in the living room while taking the frame outside.

Bennett was napping so I didn’t think anything of it. After a 12 hour day of moving furniture and scrubbing couches, I finally went to shower so I could sit on the couch in good conscience.

I sat down, noticed that Bennett had grabbed the glass from the frame, said, “Don’t touch”, took the glass from him and sat back down. Bennett crawled away into the kitchen and that was that.

Patrick walked into the room and said, “Wow, they really look great….. oh my gosh… what the heck is on the couch?!?!” I look down and there are spots of blood everywhere. I immediately jump up thinking I cut my leg shaving and didn’t know it. Patrick is standing there in horror as it clicked in my head. BENNETT MUST HAVE CUT HIMSELF ON THE GLASS. I run to him and look at his hand, there is blood everywhere. We were trying to find where it was coming from and finally saw the gash on his thumb. Every time he straightened out his thumb, blood would literally pour out. I scoop him up, grab a towel, take him upstairs to get all the blood cleaned off of him and see how bad the wound is.

Patrick tracks the blood from the couch, to the toy bin, throughout the carpet in the living room, to the kitchen floor, to the kitchen chairs, to his high chair, to the pantry door and back to the kitchen chairs.

I’m trying not to panic as the bleeding was fast and furious. It was filling up paper towels faster than I could change them and it would literally drip when I would release the pressure. I told Patrick that we might need to go get liquid stitches if it didn’t slow down.

After about 25 minutes of sitting with B in my lap and holding his hand up while applying pressure, it slowed down enough that we were able to put a bandaid on it with some neosporin.

Have you ever tried putting a bandaid on a teething 10 month old thumb?! “Don’t eat your bandaid” was a repeat phrase for the rest of the night.

We made it through dinner and bedtime where we cleaned it really well and put A&D ointment on it and left it open for the night.

What a day. Thankfully all the blood came out of the carpet and furniture. I’m even more thankful that B seemed uninterested in what was happening. He didn’t whine or fuss or even cry when it cut him and even let me hold his hand up for 20 minutes. I did use the TV as bribery though.

Everything is healing up great and between keeping it clean and giving it plenty of air, B doesn’t even notice it.

Just another Relbot Adventure that I couldn’t help but share. Don’t worry, all the glass is safely out of reach now. Sigh.

While running on my treadmill this morning, I couldn’t help but let the words of the worship songs sink into me. As I tried to sing along, I realistically could only get out like every third word. Yay for getting back into shape, right?

“Sink or swim I’m diving in
To the passion of Your heart
Where love starts

I lift my hands if my hands fail me
I’ll bend my knees if my knees grow weak
I’ll raise my voice and sing, I’ll sing
I know that You love me”  – Will Reagan & United pursuit 

…I know that He loves me. To know that He loves me unconditionally…it’s everything. My broken, insecure, constantly struggling self. He takes me with open arms and loves me.

which then led me to think of the song

“Here I am before You, falling in love and seeking Your truth
Knowing that Your perfect grace has brought me to this place
Because of You I freely live, my life to You, oh God, I give
So I stand before You, God
I lift my voice cause You set me free

So I shout out Your name, from the rooftops I proclaim
That I am Yours, I am Yours

All the good You’ve done for me, I lift my hands for all to see
You’re the only one who brings me to my knees
To share this love across the earth, the beauty of Your holy worth
So I kneel before You, God
I lift my hands cause You set me free” – Jesus Culture

I started thinking of the verse, All the good You’ve done for me, I lift my hands for all to see. I even thought about putting that as my facebook status. But I don’t want people to think I live this perfect and problem free life. I’m just a normal mom and wife doing everyday life. I have faced very very very hard seasons in my short 24 years. Yet, here I stand, still praising God for the good in my life.  You see, you can’t appreciate the peace, the calm, the mountain top, without the valley, struggles and storms. There are seasons that come and go in our lives. Some are a lot longer than others. Some are hurricanes, when they build up, move in, consume and destroy and you’re left in a wake of destruction, trying to rebuild. Others are a quick afternoon shower that the only reason you noticed it happened was because the grass is wet. Sometimes it doesn’t rain for days, weeks or MONTHS and you forget what it’s even like for it to storm.

Here’s the thing though, without the extremely trying and sometimes crushing seasons I’ve gone through, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate when it’s sunny. Patrick and I had a very hard first year of marriage but we survived and now look where we are. A family of three where we haven’t seen a hurricane in a very long time. An afternoon windy thunderstorm, yes but by God’s grace, hurricane season is over.

Everybody goes through seasons or storms where everyday life can feel like an uphill battle… in slippery mud…. with rocks being thrown at you as you climb and fire ants eating your skin. BUT! Storms won’t last forever. Do storms cause damage? They can… but that’s not the end of the story. You rebuild. You move forward. You climb the mountain so that eventually, you stand as an overcomer at the mountain top. You look back and see how far you’ve come and you reflect on how the storm changed you.

How to make it through the storm:

1. Remember that you’re already victorious over every trial, circumstance and trying season. Jesus died on the cross so that we could have VICTORY in this life.

2. Find like minded people to cheer you on when you’re fighting your way up the mountain.

Don’t climb alone. period. Find a group or even just one person to help support you when you need it the most.

3. Stay rooted in God’s promises. 

Find out what the bible says about your circumstance. Then stand firm and grasp tightly to what the scripture says.

4. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from people who have been on the path you are climbing.

They can help point you in the right direction on where to plant your feet to safely make it to the top.

5. Even if you feel like the storm will never end, it can’t last forever. Turn to the One who will give you shelter and rest when you feel like you can’t go on.

I still have a index card on my bathroom mirror with the verse Matthew 11:28

²⁸ Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]

from 3 years ago when I was working 70 hour weeks trying to do Miss Jee’s, go to school full time and work a full time nannying job. I would wake up in tears from exhaustion wondering how I was going to do it all. 3 years later, I look back and I thank God that I made it through that exhausting season.

The same can go for mamahood. I look back on the sleepless nights in the beginning when I couldn’t see straight from the pain of giving birth and the lack of sleep and yet I survived.

Going through a storm that you don’t see the end to? Hang on. It won’t last forever. 

 Praying for all the mama’s out there who are struggling. Who need rest. Who feel like they’re drowning. You’re going to make it. It’s just a season. You can do this. He’s got you. He hears you. He see’s you. You’re going to make it to that mountain top.

I get asked about our cloth diapers all the time, so I figured it was time to update the blog on how our cloth diapering journey has been going.

9 months later?

We STILL love it! We have made a few changes from when we first started, but I thought I would share on what works for us and what our cloth diapering routine looks like.

A question I get asked a lot-

How much money do you have into it? Total? For EVERYTHING cloth diaper related, we have spent around $350 dollars. That includes cloth wipes, wet bags, diapers, diaper sprayers…. and we have NICE diapers… like organic bamboo diapers haha. You can totally do it for cheaper…. or you can totally do it for more, but I feel pretty confident that I have spent that $350 extremely well. Also, I won’t have to spend anymore money for baby #2 and then I can RESELL them and make some of that investment back. BAM!

I have bought 80% of my diapers used from people who have tried it for 2 weeks and decided it’s not for them. I’m really really really good at finding good deals.

Do you need a fancy washer/dryer? Nope! Our washer and dryer was bought off of craiglist 7 years ago and it was already 3 years old. Your wash routine is more important than what you wash them in.

How often do you wash diapers? I typically wash my diapers every other day unless it’s been a crazy day of poop.

Is there a lot of time involved in prepping them? I spend probably a total of 40 minutes every other day. That is a total from washing, hanging, stuffing, putting them back away. It’s basically the same as a load of regular laundry. If I didn’t use pocket diapers at night time, I could cut that time in more than half because I wouldn’t have to restuff the diapers.

How do you wash them? 

I do a COLD rinse cycle with a tiny bit of Tide powder detergent. This makes sure that when you actually wash them, they aren’t being washed in dirty water.

Then I set my washer to a HOT and HEAVIEST cycle possible. I add half to a full cup of Tide powder depending on the size load, and then let them wash.

I then hang them on the drying rack once they are done.

Voila.

What types of diapers so I use:

1. Bumgenius Elementals for anytime we leave the house.

2. Kawaii pocket diapers for nap time.

3. Bumgenius elementals, Grovia Hybrids, Bumgenius freetimes for anytime except nap time.

4. Sloomb Happy Little Cloud with a Thirsties Duo wrap for bedtime or a Target disposable.

Where do I store dirty diapers?

I use a large Planet Wise wet bag that hangs next to the dresser/changing table. I have 3 of these (I scored them for $4 each on a Buy/Sell/Trade site). I like having multiple bags because it let’s me always have one hanging even when one is drying/being washed.

What about poop? 

Well first of all, we have never had a blowout in a cloth diaper. They are THAT good. It’s amazing. When he DOES poop, if it’s solid, it just plops off into the toilet and there is very little evidence of poop on the diaper. If it’s NOT solid, we have a diaper sprayer which is basically like a mini pressure washer which is attached to the toilet (haha) and we spray the diapers off into the toilet so that they are virtually clean before going into the washer.

We’ve been doing it for so long, it’s just another part of our day. We don’t think twice about spraying a diaper or washing a load of diapers. It’s just second nature for us. Just like people who use disposables probably have to take their trash out a lot more often, we only do it once every week or so and it’s usually only half way full. Once you get into a habit of spraying or washing diapers, it’s no big deal.

Patrick, who was originally against cloth, is probably it’s biggest fan. He can talk to you about it just as much as I can which I find hilarious.

Any down sides?

They take up more room in a diaper bag. So that’s a little annoying. It’s not like you can take just 1 diaper. You have to also take a wet bag (it’s a waterproof bag that is used to put soiled diapers into) to put the diaper into until you get home. It’s not a huge deal, but sometimes I feel like I am carrying so much stuff because i’m toting around cloth.

Sometimes, I just don’t want to restuff the diapers. It’s not hard but you have to actually sit down to do it and with a mobile 9 month old kid, sometimes it’s annoying to stop, sit and stuff.

Cloth diapers don’t always fit under the right size pants. You typically have to size up to compensate for the larger fluff butts. We use Bumgenius Elementals when he has to wear pants and they are so trim that we actually don’t have to size up if he’s wearing them. Any other diaper though, we do.

How many diapers do I have?

I have enough diapers I could go a week or maybe 9 days without washing IF I wanted to. BUT I like to wash every other day. Having as many as I do, allows me to having an entire load in the washer/drying and STILL have enough diapers to use while those are being cleaned and on the drying rack. I have gotten stupid good deals though… SO, I contribute that to how many diapers I have. 🙂

If you want to wash everyday, you’ll need like 12. Every other day? 24-28. Just think, if you change a diaper around every 2-3 hours in a 12 hour period, that’s 6-7 diaper changes a day. That doesn’t include if they all the sudden pee in a new diaper, poop more often than usual… etc. SO, to be safe, you would need 10ish (minimum). It all depends on how often you want to wash and how quickly you’ll need your diapers to be ready to wear again.

A cloth diaper in (cell phone) pictures:

That’s a bumgenius elemental. It’s made up of organic cotton which is sewn into a waterproof cover with snaps. It’s our go-to diaper.

Don’t they start to look gross? 

As long as you wash them correctly, you’re good. These have been used for 6+ months, poop and pee GALORE and they still look brand new.

I finally took my diapers out and took a “stash” shot. It’s most of my diapers. It might be overwhelming when you look at it, but it all fits on B’s bookshelves. I’m missing a few that are dirty and in a wetbag…. but you get the picture 😉

These containers go onto B’s book shelves in his room. They keep everything organized and it keeps his room from looking like diaper central.

SO- for $350 I have diapered my kid(s). I know for one box of target disposables, I spend anywhere from $30 to $40. I don’t even want to know how much I would spend over the course of 2-3 years PER child. Easily hundreds, possibly thousands.

Happy Diapering yall. Always feel free to ask me a question about cloth. I could talk for days about it. 😉

It was this week 5 years ago that I was driving to Patrick’s home in Youngsville. I knew that a proposal was coming soon even though I was completely lost as to how he would ask the question. As I made the 45 minute drive (oh that dreadful gas wasting 45 minute drive), I was deep in thought about marriage, married life, making such a big decision so early on in my life and I remember asking myself this question. I actually distinctly remember asking myself this question as I pulled into his neighborhood.

“If I marry Patrick, will he be a good father to my children”

Yes.

Even at 18 years old, I knew that Patrick would make an amazing father one day. 5 years later, I couldn’t scream it loud enough, Patrick is an amazing father.

It’s 2015, Bennett is almost 9 months old and Patrick has been rocking fatherhood better than I could have ever dreamed. You know me and blogging, I couldn’t let this day pass without telling the world how amazing my baby daddy is. 😉

Almost 9 months ago, Patrick became a daddy. He basically stood up for 30 hours holding me, holding my hand, being by my side, as I worked to bring Bennett into this world. Even though he wasn’t the one in labor, he still had one heck of a time helping get Bennett here.

After Bennett arrived, Patrick’s dad duty was in overdrive. Not only did he have a son now but I had to rely on him for everything the first week. My guy was essential with that first week. From helping me pull up my post postpartum underwear, to standing outside the shower in the hospital because I thought I was going to pass out. He did it all with a sleep deprived smile on his face.

Then, when we got home, my guy didn’t just check out and leave it all for me to do. He would watch Bennett from 7 pm to 10 pm downstairs so that I could get three uninterrupted hours of sleep. He would send me to bed, knowing that I was on the verge of tears from exhaustion and would tell me he’s got it. Don’t worry about anything. Go rest. My guy is amazing.

For the middle of the night feedings when nursing was still a huge challenge, he would wake up with me, help Bennett get latched on and then camp out on Bennett’s floor for moral support. After a few days of this, I knew that it was silly for BOTH of us to not get any sleep, so I would tell him to go back to bed. My guy is amazing.

Oh nursing. Let’s talk about what an essential roll Patrick has played in having a successful nursing relationship with B. I have wanted to quit so many times. From having Thrush for the first 7 weeks, to the time commitment, he has been there to encourage me. When B was still a tiny baby and nursing sessions would last 30 + minutes, Patrick was always there to bring me whatever I needed while I was glued to a couch or a rocking chair. My guy is amazing.

Patrick always put his family first. He is ALWAYS thinking about how his decisions will affect us. He takes on such a huge weight as he works very long days after being in school all day so that he financially can support Bennett and I. I am forever thankful that because of how hard he works, I get to stay home and raise our son. He is the hardest worker I know and what a great quality he is teaching Bennett. My guy is amazing.

Patrick is such an involved dad. He’ll play on the floor with B, he’ll push him in the stroller for walks, he’s just as much of a parent as I am. He doesn’t shy away from the roles of being an involved parent. From diaper changes, to helping prepare dinner for B, he’s right there with me. My guy is amazing.

He has adopted Bennett’s bath time (so let me know if Bennett starts to stink hehe), and every single night, he helps me get Bennett ready for bed. You know what’s the best though? The last thing Patrick does before handing the squirmy and exhausted baby to me, he prays over Bennett. Since we learned that we were pregnant last January, Patrick has prayed over Bennett every single day.

My airplane flying, coffee drinking, can fix anything husband is the most amazing dad out there. Bennett is so blessed to have Patrick as his role model and his dad. I am so blessed to have Patrick as my husband. I know your guy might be pretty decent… but seriously. Mine?!? Out of this world.

Happy fathers day to the man who taken on fatherhood like a champ. 5 years ago, I asked myself a very important question before agreeing to spend the rest of my life with you. Would you be a good father to my children. You’re not a good father. You’re amazing.

Thank you for being you Patrick. ❤