I feel like all moms deal with the constant internal battle of doing this vs that, in some way or another. As you guessed, mine is

•   Run a business that I am passionate about and love
•   Raise my two children and be present for them daily

Every day, I feel this constant push and pull between the two. Both are so important to me. Both worthy of my attention, hard work and dedication. You might be raising your eyebrows at how I could possibly talk about a job the same way I talk about my kids. What crazy woman ranks their job even close to their kids?!

Miss Jee’s was my first baby. The long nights of working a full time job and then pouring into Miss Jee’s to see it grow. The growing pains of learning what works and doesn’t work. The excitement of the first time I was found on google. The first time a client invested thousands into ME. Into what I created and built. The decision to no longer pursue a career in teaching, take the huge leap of faith and go all in with Miss Jee’s. There’s no back up plan. There’s no, “What if it doesn’t work”.  Miss Jee’s is everything to me. It’s my hardwork, sweat and so many tears. It rewards my soul. It validates me as a woman. I don’t think I can fully explain how much I love my job. How thankful I am to get to do what I love everyday.

My kids. They trump it all. They are my everything. My world. Each of them are a gift and treasure from God. Before we had kids, Patrick and I both knew that we wanted me to stay home with them. There’s this pang of guilt every time that I leave them for work or spend time working. It’s not a guilt placed on me by expectations of my husband. No. It’s a guilt that I’m missing out on this time that is whizzing by faster than I could have ever expected. I am never going to get these days or years back where I am their everything. Sooner or later, I will become less needed and while that sounds enticing on the somewhat suffocating days of having to be their everything, it makes my heart feel heavy. I don’t want to miss a moment. I want to be the one who teaches them about the love of God. Who helps them to tie their shoes. Who see’s them fall down and get back up. Who encourages them to preserver. I want to be the one doing life with them.

It’s a constant tug. No. Tug doesn’t describe it accurately. It’s a battlefield. Give to my business – take from my kids. What kind of mom does that?  I have no good answer to this. Anyone have any encouragement for this mama who wants to do both? Who wants to build a thriving and successful business but also wants to be there every single day.

I had childcare for part of 2017 and while it was great for my business, I found myself away from my kids more than I was with them. Even having 2 days of childcare during the week, meant that Bennett and Amelia were home 4 days a week (when I had sessions on Saturday and Sunday). It meant that I was away from them more than I was with them and that is not what I wanted in my heart.

I feel like there’s no good answer?

There’s SO much I want to do for Miss Jee’s. Soooo many ideas on how to grow it…. but that takes time and hard work. The time I need would have to be taken from the time with my kids… and I don’t know if I want to take to give.

All you working mama’s. What do you do? Any encouraging words? Am I alone in feeling this way?