I took my littles on a run yesterday morning. Well, it was a run/walk because let’s be serious… pushing a stroller with two kids in it, is a nice reminder that yes, you are not as in shape as you thought you were. Add in the humidity and 90 degree weather and I felt like a beached whale doing a slow bounce on dry land and calling it a run.

As I was running, I noticed a small magnolia tree. My neighbor has a HUGE one in her yard that I enjoy watching bloom but this tiny one just caught my eye because of just how small it was and the fact that it only had one bloom. The Holy Spirit whispered , “Bloom where you are planted” which might sound so cliche and something that you can find in the Target dollar spot on a sign, but it was so on time.

Last year during our annual Dominion By The Word conference, we had the amazing Andi Andrews speak during two of the sessions. I have heard thousands of sermons and have sat through almost 10 Dominion by the word conferences and over time, you slowly forget the sermons. Her sessions though… I still distinctly remember sitting through her sermons, tears streaming down my face. Over the past year, I have replayed her message in my mind reflecting and meditated on her words. She talked about seasons of growth. I was pregnant with Amelia last year during Dominion and Bennett had JUST started preschool and I felt like I was drowning. Every. Single. Day.

Facebook and Instagram makes motherhood look easy. It made me feel like I was the only one drowning and here stood Andi Andrews, mother of 4 and mighty woman of God, saying she had a season where she also felt like she was drowning. She showed us a picture of a plant and how it clearly has different seasons of growth. 

She talked about how when she had 4 babies, she felt like she was planted underground… with someone pouring water on her. I sat in service, listened to her words and choked back tears. I was there. I was underground where it was dark and felt lonely and someone was constantly pouring water on me. I couldn’t breath. Here’s the thing though… for a plant to grow… you have to be planted. You have to be put down in the dirt, watered and eventually, you break through the surface to see light again. You have to bloom where you are planted.

Y’all, I fought motherhood and the identity of motherhood for a very very long time. It hasn’t been until just recently where I finally feel like I have broken through the surface. Part of that is my journey with Amelia and one day I hope to share that story as well… but for the first time, I finally see the light. For the years that I spent underground where God was cultivating me, helping me grow and preparing my mind and heart for the upcoming years and next seasons, I hated it. It was so hard and I felt like I failed and stumbled through most of it. While most of y’all will try to say, “Noooo… you rocked it” etc etc, that is not how my heart felt after laying Bennett down for bed and the weight and heaviness of the day felt crushing and suffocating. How did all the other mom’s do it? How did they seem SOOO happy? How did they LOVE motherhood?

There is grace y’all. His goodness is bountiful and overwhelming and his strength covers my weakness. Every. Single. Day.

You have to bloom where God plants YOU. You can’t uproot yourself, choose a different spot and say… I just want to skip the underground stage. God has the most beautiful plans for your life and He has placed you right where you are suppose to be… to become who you are suppose to be. You have to embrace the underground season where God is preparing you for what is to come. I unfortunately fought it and it was absolutely exhausting. Here I am though… almost 3 years later and I see light. I see the roots that I placed where I tightly clung to Jesus and cried at His feet, seeking His strength and basking in his renewing love for my weary heart. I see where God is taking me and my family and I see the worth of all those years of growth.

Be encouraged mama’s. You ARE doing an amazing job and you’re loving them well, even when you feel like you’ve failed for the fifty seventh time and it’s not even lunch. We have to show our children what it’s like to seek God even when things are hard and uncomfortable. Where we ask for their forgiveness AGAIN because our fruits of the spirit seem to be hidden under the mounds of laundry that have been waiting for days.

He is good y’all. A plant won’t stay underground forever…. so if you feel like it’s been a really really long time of someone pouring water on you… you’re probably close to the surface.

The light is coming.