On the lists of must haves for Bennett, a comfy rocking chair was one of them. We sat in a handful of rocking chairs at babies r us…. but the $300 price tags always sent us away. I’m very frugal and need to feel like I’m getting an amazing deal or I most likely will not purchase it.

For months we searched. I wanted a gray plush rocker. Had to be gray. Had to be plush. Not an option. While searching craigslist one day, I saw, “Make me an offer.” It was a plush green rocker with custom fabric and originally $600 dollars….. The idea that I could get a good deal drew me in. I could handle green. Green could match….

“Would you take $100?”

“Yep, here’s the address.”

Patrick and I drove out to Cary and the moment I sat in it, I knew it was the perfect fit. Our rocking chair is unbelievably comfortable. I fell in love with the idea of all the newborn cuddles and story reading that would happen in the plush green rocking chair.

Bennett and I have spent hours upon hours in the green plush rocking chair. We’ve learned to nurse in the plush green rocking chair. I’ve loved him through sickness in the rocking chair. I’ve held him close through emotionally hard days in the rocking chair. I’ve been spit up on a million and one times in the rocking chair. I’ve seen my son’s first year pass, while sitting in the rocking chair.

A few days ago, while getting Bennett ready for bed, I looked at the rocking chair and couldn’t remember the last time I sat in it. How? How is that even possible? Well, we are ending our nursing relationship and the rocking chair goes hand in hand with that.

When Bennett was a newborn, our nursing sessions lasted 45 minutes… each time. SO, that was 45 minutes every 2.5 hours that I would typically sit rocking in the rocking chair… That’s A LOT of time.

A month before I left for Georgia, Bennett was still nursing 6 times a day. I got him down to 4 times a day before I left and when we came back, we dropped down to just morning and night. Last night, we dropped the night so now we are just down to once a day.

I always nursed Bennett before he went to sleep. I didn’t nurse him to sleep (unless he fell asleep from exhaustion), but it was always a step in the going to sleep process. I was nervous about how my great sleeper would be without the calming 15 minutes of nursing before putting him in the crib…

He always surprises us. He didn’t even skip a beat…. just put him in his crib and to sleep he goes. He’s been like that from day 1…. and I’m so unbelievably thankful.

I was so nervous last night that he wouldn’t sleep through the night without nursing before bed… surprised me again. Slept his normal 7:30 pm to 7 am. (again, so thankful for a great sleeper).

It’s hard to say goodbye to our rocking chair. I think I’ve wanted to be done with the nursing season more often than I wanted to be nursing… but when I think… “This could be our last time”, a lump forms in my throat and a sense of sadness brushes over me. Bennett is constantly on the go and the only time he would stop, slow down and cuddle with me was when we nursed. Saying goodbye to our rocking chair means no more half asleep baby pressed into me, stroking his curly blond hair, his hands grasping my fingers. The sweet moments of laughter that were shared just between just us, or the way he snuggled into the left side of my neck and wrap his arms around me…

It’s all so bittersweet. Saying goodbye to our rocking chair is just another step in the breaking away process. It’s another sign that my baby isn’t my tiny newborn anymore. He’s a determined little boy who loves exploring his surroundings.

Even Patrick recognizes the sadness. He knows that us ending our nursing relationship means we are saying goodbye to our baby and hello to our independent toddler. A walking, talking Bennett Journey who isn’t 100% dependent on us.

I will have our last nursing session in our plush green rocking chair… and then I will try and sit a little bit longer in it and soak in the closure of this past year. What a year. A beautiful life changing year.