I woke up at 5 am this morning and all I could think about was how different my life is today vs. 1 year ago. Maybe it’s the first child, first year that changes you the most… but there are days that I can’t even wrap my head around how crazy (good) our lives are now.

1 year ago today, my water broke at 4:50 in the morning. Being a mom has changed me. It’s so hard to explain how one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, is also the one of the best things. The most rewarding. The tears of frustration I cry when I get overwhelmed are so worth it because I have a little boy who looks up at me and says, “Hey mom”. Those words are real jewels though because he loves to tell you about his Da Da.

I didn’t know what I was getting into whenever we made the decision to get pregnant and have a baby. I didn’t know how physically, mentally and emotionally hard it would be. I also didn’t know how much I could fiercely love another human. How at the end of the day when I’m falling asleep sitting up and nothing is more enticing than my pillow, I still want to wake up and do it all over again.

Some days I feel more like a mom zombie, than Ann. Who is this Ann woman who likes to read, paint, create, workout, blog…? Some days, I get lost in the shuffle of the daily tasks. I get put on the back burner, along with dinner as I try to get it ready in time…. but when that little boy wraps his arms around my neck and squeezes me close and lets me hold him for a few minutes…. I come alive again. I’m reminded that I’m doing one of the most important jobs out there. That I only get one chance at raising this little boy to be a world changer, a gentleman, a hard worker and hopefully a husband and father one day.

There are days when I feel like I’m unstoppable and stand victorious on the mountain top and days when I say hello and swim a little too long with the  bottom dwellers of the ocean. It all ebbs and flows and can change sixteen hundred times in one day. Mamahood never gets easier, just different.

Every day, I have to choose to give Bennett back to God. God is the one who has a mighty and amazing plan for his life and I’m just the earthly body to help guide him, love him, support him. Everyday I have to point him back to the Gospels and the life saving truth that Jesus is Lord, the Word of God is alive and powerful. I want to show him God’s real and powerful love, mercy and grace in the way that the scripture talks about.

Another huge thing that I wanted to talk about is tomorrow marks reaching one of my biggest accomplishments. I am so proud of myself for this. Tomorrow, I reach 1 full year of breastfeeding.

I was so nervous about breastfeeding before I gave birth. I’m a planner and it’s not something you can really plan out or practice… so it terrified me. There have been COUNTLESS times that I have wanted to give up. I persevered through it though. I pushed through, poor latching in the beginning and 7 weeks of thrush. I pushed through the middle of the night feedings. I pushed through nursing while out and about. I pushed through the crazy comments people say to you (especially when you start nearing 1 year old), I pushed through ANOTHER round of Thrush. I pushed through the teething and biting stage. I pushed through the hours, days, weeks, months and now a year. My goal has always been 1 year. When I return from GA, we start the weaning process. I need my body back for awhile before we decided to start this whole process over again. I’m so proud of myself for sticking with this. I did it. 

Oh and you better believe I will be drinking latte’s in the middle of the day, everyday while I’m gone this weekend. #nobabytofeed #freedom

I also am planning a day trip for myself to celebrate my 1 year mark. Patrick will watch Bennett and I will disappear for an entire day. No baby to feed. No worrying about pumping while I’m gone. No worries in the world. 🙂

The past two years from finding out we were pregnant, to my water breaking, to laboring all day and night, to surviving the newborn phase and keeping a human alive for an entire year….. what a journey. HA! No pun intended.

My life is busier than I ever thought possible, crazier than I imagined but overflowing with blessings. To God be the glory.

Thankful for this past year. ❤