It’s hard to stop and sit and turn off the lists upon lists of things that need to be done. It’s like the Star Wars intro that scrolls. It seems like it’s never ending. Even as I sit here and type, there are unfolded clothes thrown onto the couch to my left, Bennett’s pacifier on the ground, cardstock and washi tape on my end table from constructing stuff for B’s party…. there are always things to be done. I went to sleep last night without doing my nightly clean up.
One of the hardest things this past year has been to find time (and discipline) to be quiet, alone and in the Word. To close the door and sit at the feet of Jesus. To hand him my tired heart and busy mind and find the refreshing and renewing strength that comes from being in the Word.
Again, I struggle with always thinking I can do better. Do more. I struggle with a Martha personality.
Luke 10:38-42 Amplified Bible (AMP)
Martha and Mary
38 Now while they were on their way, Jesus entered a village [called Bethany], and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. 39 She had a sister named Mary, who seated herself at the Lord’s feet and was continually listening to His teaching. 40 But Martha was very busy and distracted with all of her serving responsibilities; and she approached Him and said, “Lord, is it of no concern to You that my sister has left me to do the serving alone? Tell her to help me and do her part.” 41 But the Lord replied to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered and anxious about so many things; 42 but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part [that which is to her advantage], which will not be taken away from her.”
When you’re a mom, wife, business woman, friend (17 other hats), the lists are never ending. As soon as you check one thing off, there is need to add 4.5 more things.
Some days I imagine Jesus just standing in my kitchen, with a soft smile on His face watching me run around like a chicken with it’s head cut off. Going in a million directions, needing an extra set of hands, emotionally trying to keep it together as my 1 year old is being stepped on because he feels like distance between us is overrated. I keep saying, one second Jesus. I’ll be right with you. Just hold on. I’m coming. Oh, B just pulled every muffin tin out of the cabinet. Hold on, Jesus. Let me clean that up and then I’ll be with you. He eventually grabs a chair and sits because He’s been waiting so long. Oh Jesus, one second. I need to start dinner. Could you just camp out for a few minutes longer? I’ll be right with you. Finds that B isn’t under my feet but has ventured off and found his way into the toilet. Jesus. I’m so so so sorry. I need to go clean up my germ infested child. Jesus, can I get you a glass of water while you wait? Let me wash my hands first as I just was holding a flailing toilet water covered little boy who is crying because he doesn’t understand why toilets are on the don’t touch list. Jesus patiently waits and stares at me. . not with the you’ve missed our appointment eye roll stare but instead with the, I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere.
I have a Martha personality. There’s nothing wrong with having a Martha personality. Just don’t let it overshadow your Mary heart.
I love the early mornings. It’s quiet. I can drink my coffee before it gets cold. I feel prepared to conquer the day before B wakes up. I can use the bathroom without anyone trying to come in and open every cabinet drawer and eat every possible toxic item there is. Can I get an Amen?!
I love the early mornings because I’m not exhausted to the point where my eyelids shut involuntarily from the weights that somehow got hooked to them throughout the day.
Early mornings allow me to sit and soak in who God is. His love for me. I find hope and joy in the day. When I try and have quiet time in the evenings, it usually results in me feeling regret and sorrow over what I could have done differently, what I could have done more of, how I could of been a better mom, wife, business owner. It’s not the same.
There is hope in the morning.
It’s another reason why I like going to bed with a clean house. It helps me sit and relax when I get up (what a foreign concept) and really focus on having good quality time with God. It helps me temporarily shut off the Star Wars type lists that scroll through my mind.
It’s hard to not let a Martha personality overshadow a Mary heart. Jesus starts off at the top of our lists but somehow ends up in the section that gets put off until tomorrow…. and then the next day… and the next day. He is left standing in my kitchen staring at me. Yet He never gives up on me. He says, “Let’s try again tomorrow”. He calls me with a gentle whisper of grace, hope, mercy and love. A demonstration of a relentless love pursuit.
Matthew 11:28-30 Amplified Bible (AMP)
28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation]. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me [following Me as My disciple], for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest (renewal, blessed quiet) for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy [to bear] and My burden is light.”
Moms, wives, business women. Let’s not forget to put Jesus at the top of our lists. Everything else can wait. Let us find our strength and energy in Him and His word. Are you physically exhausted? Emotionally drained? Feel like everyday is an uphill battle? When’s the last time you sat, soaked and were renewed in the Word?
Jesus, today I choose you. You’re at the top of my list.
Relbot Adventures 