I had to ask myself this question this week. Bennett and I had a rough afternoon one day this week. I don’t want to go into too many details because I have made a promise to myself never to share B in a negative light on any public forum. SO, let’s just say it was a tiring afternoon and once my little man finally went down for his afternoon nap, I retreated to my office, put my head in my hands and said, “This isn’t the mother I want to be.” The way I responded was NOT how I want to raise Bennett. So then the question arose, what kind of mother DO I want to be? 

I had to stop and really think about that. I honestly haven’t thought about it much. If how I responded to a tough situation is NOT how I WANT to respond, how DO I want to respond? So I got the idea to make a list. 

I wanted to write out anything and everything that I wanted to include in an outline of the type of mom I want to be. This might sound silly but I like to write stuff out, process it, reflect on it, tuck it away for future use. It’s another reason why I blog.

I asked myself what does the bible say about being a mom? I then resorted to google for some encouragement and some faster research than me scouring the bible book by book.

“Children are a gift from the Lord (Psalm 127:3-5). In Titus 2:4, the Greek word philoteknos appears in reference to mothers loving their children. This word represents a special kind of “mother love.” The idea that flows out of this word is that of caring for our children, nurturing them, affectionately embracing them, meeting their needs, and tenderly befriending each one as a unique gift from the hand of God. ”

(I did look up Philoteknos in Strong’s Concordance and it doesn’t point to what that statement ^ says BUT maybe I just didn’t look hard enough? )

Original Word: φιλότεκνος, ον
Part of Speech: Adjective
Transliteration: philoteknos
Phonetic Spelling: (fil-ot’-ek-nos)
Short Definition: loving one’s children
Definition: loving one’s children.

I found this list:

Involvement – interacting, discussing, thinking, and processing life together (Ephesians 6:4)

Teaching – the Scriptures and a biblical worldview (Psalm 78:5-6; Deuteronomy 4:10; Ephesians 6:4)

Training – helping a child to develop skills and discover his/her strengths (Proverbs 22:6) and spiritual gifts (Romans 12:3-8and 1 Corinthians 12)

Discipline – teaching the fear of the Lord, drawing the line consistently, lovingly, firmly (Ephesians 6:4; Hebrews 12:5-11; Proverbs 13:24; 19:18; 22:15; 23:13-14; 29:15-17)

Nurture – providing an environment of constant verbal support, freedom to fail, acceptance, affection, unconditional love (Titus 2:4; 2 Timothy 1:7; Ephesians 4:29-32; 5:1-2; Galatians 5:22; 1 Peter 3:8-9)

Modeling with Integrity – living what you say, being a model from which a child can learn by “catching” the essence of godly living (Deuteronomy 4:9, 15, 23; Proverbs 10:9; 11:3; Psalm 37:18, 37).

Read more: http://www.gotquestions.org/mothers-Christian.html#ixzz3YnWDq7Pt

I thought that was a pretty good biblical outline which could be the base and foundation of my “What type of mother do I want to be” outline.

I’m still working on the specifics of my list. I might share it once I finish it. I might not, who knows. I just wanted to encourage you to make a list (or even just think about) what type of mom you want to be. Or wife. Or employee. It really can be used for any aspect of life. What does the bible say about “XYZ” and use that as a base for your outline.

Make a list so whenever things get tough, you have a reminder. You can stay locked on exactly who you want to be. It’s easier to have specific statements to play in your head than to just think, “THIS ISN’T HOW I WANT TO RESPOND!”

I’m currently reading, Jesus, The gentle parent by L.R. Knost . It’s really good. There are some things that I can’t apply to my life like bed sharing BUT it has some really good stuff in it. My favorite quote so far:

“You are your children’s first taste of God, their first vision of grace. How you treat them in that capacity will inevitably affect their relationship with Christ. Choose love, because he is Love in the flesh. Choose gentleness, because he is the Gentle Shephard. Choose grace, because he died so that you could. Grace has a face… it’s yours.

“”Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put it into practice.”” – Phil 4:9″

I don’t want Bennett to grow up hearing me tell him how to act/respond/live by the bible and then I don’t do it myself. I want Bennett to see Christ’s love in the actions in my life and the way I parent and not just my words.

My words are empty until I myself do what I’m teaching. 

If I want Bennett to be patient, I need to be patient.

If I want Bennett to calmly respond, I need to be calm when I respond.

If I want Bennett to __________, I need to ________________.

The list is never ending.

I want to love Bennett like God loves me. What does the bible say about love?

1 Corinthians 13:4-7The Message (MSG)

3-7 If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Now insert your name. 

Ann never gives up.
Ann cares more for others than for self.
Ann doesn’t want what she doesn’t have.
Ann doesn’t strut,
Ann doesn’t have a swelled head,
Ann doesn’t force itself on others,
Ann isn’t always “me first,”
Ann doesn’t fly off the handle,
Ann doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Ann doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Ann takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Ann puts up with anything,
Ann trusts God always,
Ann always looks for the best,
Ann never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

So much of that can be applied to parenting.

Make a list, stay focused. You can do this, mama. There is so much good even on the hard days.