Have you ever read about Mark Gungor’s Flag page? Patrick and I went to a marriage conference a few years ago at our church and it was such a great experience.

Mark Gungor’s flag page fits me to a tee. I’m about to show you more about who I am and my heart than most people would know without asking…

You can click on them to make them bigger to read.

So I know that is a lot of information about myself that you might just sound like a whole bunch of mumble jumble but if I had to describe myself and my heart, my flag page is the perfect representation. Ok ok. What does all of that have to do with anything? Everything.

Did you see that my home country is perfect country? Do you know what I struggle with the most? Feeling like I constantly am failing perfection. I like my house to be clean, my life to be planned, things to be on schedule. That would be the most ideal situation. Real life though? I’m constantly cleaning with the feeling of never completing it. My dinner menu is constantly changing because schedules change and unpredictable things happen. My craft projects take weeks to complete and baking takes hours. Can I be honest? I struggle with becoming frustrated when the plan changes.

I read a blog about how we have to stop judging other moms because we all have different strengths and weaknesses. This was based off of a few other blog posts that were floating around about how kids are messy so it’s ok to have your house messy because it means you’re a real mom who spends more time with her kids then worrying about her home. You see, that’s not fair. I thrive and am a better mom/person when my home is clean. I can’t function whenever there is stuff everywhere. It’s just who I am though and it doesn’t mean I’m not a real mom spending less time with my kid. 

I’m sorry but can I just punch whoever started this “you’re a real mom only if you do xyz” thing? Gosh. Stupid.

I love to blog. Does that make me a real mom? I am a stay at home mom. Does that make me any more of a mom than the woman who goes to work full time? NO. I birthed Bennett. Does that make me any more of a mom than someone who adopts? If you even considered any other answer than no, go ahead and just march yourself to time-out and sit there for a while.

I think I’m getting off on a tangent, but I just wanted to share with you one of my struggles with Mamahood. That feeling of failing. Ever feel like you’re failing your kids? Your husband? I put so much pressure on myself which then turns into me putting unfair pressure on Patrick to have everything perfect that when it’s not, I feel like I’m drowning in failure. I beat myself up and that’s just not cool.

Patrick does an amazing job at encouraging me when he can tell I’m starting to feel like it’s all falling a part. There is nothing wrong with liking stuff a certain way but when I start telling myself that I’m failing as a mom and wife, well that’s just not how God see’s me.

A few weeks ago, Patrick went to bed early because he wasn’t feeling well. Bennett’s bedtime came and I walked upstairs to this:

“Thanks for being a great mom. I love you so much” 

I then turned it into this:

It was just the reminder I needed and still need to hear. I feel like I fail as a mom to Bennett when I get frustrated with him. It’s over stupid stuff like when he scratches the mess out of me with his talons. Why are they long though? Because I really hate cutting them. Sigh. Babies shouldn’t be born with nails in my opinion.

Anyways, just wanted to have an honest Relbot Mamahood moment. Everything is a learning process when you become a mom. It’s constantly “yes this works… no that didn’t work. Wow that was an epic fail.”

I’m thankful that I have a husband who reminds me that even though I feel like I’m failing, often I’m not. If you’re struggling with the thoughts of failure, know that most likely you’re not.