If you have more than one kid, you’re going to laugh at me about this post. I can see you now, chuckling and shaking your head.

From day one, Bennett has pretty much been with me 24/7. He is breastfed every 2-3 hours during the day which means I can’t go too far without being back to feed him. So, you can understand my anxiety as a first time mom to leave my baby. I remember the first time I left Bennett with Patrick to go jean shopping. Or the first time I put him in his crib to nap during the day. It’s a weird feeling of loneliness that happens… at least it was for me. I get so use to having him around that when he isn’t, it feels really weird.

The past 3 months, we have brought Bennett to church a few times but I just wasn’t ready to leave him in the nursery so I would wear him in the moby. We were mostly avoiding germs and large crowds but since he will be three months on Christmas day, we decided it was time to get back to our normal church going routine. This past Saturday, we decided that Sunday was going to be the day we left him for the first time. It is such a first mom thing to be so hesitant to drop of your child but I was literally fighting off anxiety thinking about leaving him.  I had nightmares the night before. Can you believe I actually lost sleep over it?!?! I knew the ladies in the nursery were completely competent to take care of Mr. B but my heart was seriously struggling with the idea.

Sunday morning came and Patrick was pep talking me through dropping him off. “Let’s not traumatize him by making a big deal out of it. Just say goodbye and go.” Say goodbye and go?!?! What if he needs me? What if something goes horribly wrong and I’m not there? What if he is starving and they don’t know he’s hungry so they just let him cry. These were all things that were racing through my head as I got our family ready for church.

Mr. B was exhausted by the time we arrived at church so I pulled him out of his car seat, half asleep and walked us to the nursery. This was it. I was leaving him for the first time. I was greeted by two amazing nursery workers who I KNEW would take good care of my baby. I handed my love bug over to them, they took my diaper bag and it was time to leave him.

I walked out and left him and I went to service with Patrick. It was like a mini date. I’m not going to lie though, I checked the clock every five minutes. I received a text from my good friend Allison during service who helped me conquer the emotions of the drop off of Mr. B, “You’re gonna make it mama, no worries!”.

By the time service was almost over and it was time for me to go feed Bennett, I was so excited to see how his first nursery experience was. He was still asleep in the arms of a nursery worker whenever I returned. My heart was happy. He didn’t even realize that I had left him. My anxiety had vanished and life was good.

I know you’re laughing hysterically at me now that I have admitted my anxiety over such a small event but yesterday felt like conquering a mountain!

It was quite the adventure for me but he didn’t even know it.