I figure that typing out Bennett’s birth story would be easier and faster than writing it down in my journal. With the days quickly passing and us celebrating his 1 week birthday today, I figure it’s time to start writing down my thoughts, feelings, and memories of the events that brought my son into this world.

The end of my pregnancy was actually a lot easier than the beginning. Other than being large, swollen and peeing all the time, it wasn’t that bad. I knew that once Bennett arrived, life would drastically change so I soaked up the last few weeks and days of just being “Ann” instead of being “Mom”. As I was nearing my due date, I was mentally preparing myself to go over and I honestly would have been fine. I was enjoying the last days of childless dates with Patrick, visiting with friends and finishing things around the house.

The house was clean, I had gotten a pedicure on Monday (the first since my wedding!) and Patrick had made up time in school, so we were READY if Bennett wanted to come. We had jokingly, except not jokingly been praying that he would make his arrival on Thursday simply because it would work best for our schedules.  Tuesday night we went out with our neighbors to Over the Falls for dinner to celebrate Mr. B before he arrived. They showered us with homemade blankets and hats, the cutest pajamas and a monogrammed thirty one tote bag! I don’t know who you live next to, but I promise, it would be hard to beat our neighbors. Patrick and I headed home, settled down to watch “Chuck” on netflix and then called it a night around 10:30. Now, at 39 weeks pregnant, I got up to pee about every hour and a half. Skip this next part if you’re not interested in hearing about my water breaking. Still reading? Ok, here we go. So at 4:50, I woke up to use to the restroom. I waddled to the bathroom and while sitting down, I felt a small gush. I thought, “hmmmm that was close, I almost pee’d on the bathroom floor!” I sat on the toilet, finished my business and then had the thought…. “Was that my water breaking??” When you’re 39 weeks pregnant, you begin thinking every little symptom is the start of labor, so I decided to brush it off and go climb back into bed. Patrick’s alarm began to go off at 5:00 while I climbed back into bed. While laying there, I began to have some pretty strong cramps and contractions. I silently laid there for 30 minutes, listening to Patrick continually hit snooze until I finally rolled over and said, “babe… I think I’m in labor.” Half asleep, he rolls over and says, “Let me feel” and puts his hand on my stomach. We laid in bed for another 5 minutes talking about why I thought I was in labor. I felt like I needed to use the restroom again before Patrick jumped in the shower so I rolled out of bed and then…. BAM! Water works galore. I stood in shock at the fact that I was either peeing on myself or my water had broken. I frantically said, “BABE!!! MY WATER JUST BROKE! GRAB THE TOWEL!” I had been keeping a towel next to the bed for the past 2 months just in case this was to happen. Patrick jumps up and goes to grab the towel and it’s gone. I forgot that I decided to wash it the day before and it was still in the dryer! He frantically runs to the linen closet and can’t decide on which towel to bring me. I’m shouting, “JUST BRING ME ANYTHING, IT’S GOING EVERYWHERE!” He is shouting back, “I don’t want to bring you a good towel and you get angry that I would ruin a good towel!” We both laughed at this interaction afterwards. I threw the towel in between my legs and waddled to the bathroom. I mentally was in shock. Was this really it? Had my water really broken or did I just pee all over myself? I decided to call my sister in law, Jenn who also was my doula and then call my OB and see what they wanted me to do. After speaking with both, it looked like it was game time. The OB wanted me to come in to be checked and then admitted if my water did actually break. I tried to remain calm as I showered and finished packing the hospital bags. Thankfully Patrick hadn’t left for school (which is an hour away) yet and was able to help finish the last minute tasks before we headed off to the hospital. We decided that breakfast and coffee were a necessity in case this was actually the real deal and I would be put on food restriction upon being admitted into the hospital. We drove to Breuggars and then Starbucks. I stayed in the car due to the lovely fact that I was still gushing fluid. Gross, I know. As Patrick ordered my food and coffee, I called family members to let them know that today was going to be baby day and that I would let them know more once I was admitted.

Rex is about a 30 minute drive without traffic from our house. We unfortunately left during 8 am traffic which prolonged the travel time. On the up side, my contractions were more than manageable and still far enough apart that I was able to eat my breakfast and down my latte all before making our arrival. Patrick and I prayed as we drove to the hospital and talked about the surreal fact that we would be driving home with Bennett. After 10 long months, this was it. It was very hard to fully deal with all the emotions that we were feeling. Patrick dropped me off at the front doors to check in while he parked the car. I remember trying to joke with the cleaning staff while I waited for him to come, but the staff was not amused by my humor.  We waddled upstairs to check in and our first nurse was amazing (they all were). I had 4 due to being in labor for so long. I forget her name unfortunately but she took me straight to a room instead of triage because she was sure that I was being admitted. She needed to check the fluid to make sure it was my water breaking and I guess from the car ride over, Bennett’s head decided to plug everything up! I started to panic that it wasn’t my water when she couldn’t find any fluid. I was going to be so embarrassed if I had just peed all over myself and alerted all the family members and the photographer for nothing. Jenn arrived soon after us, as we were all anticipating a quick labor. She got me moving so that Bennett would move and the fluid would come out again. After about 30 minutes, the strip turned blue and I finally got the exciting news that YES, THIS WAS IT! TODAY WAS BABY DAY! Little did I know, it wasn’t baby day and the journey that I had a head of me was going to be the hardest of my entire life.

When I was checked, I was only .5 cm dilated and at a -2 station. If you don’t know what that means, it basically means I had a LONG way to go before I could even think about having Bennett make his entrance. The doctor on call was my third favorite doctor (out of 6), and he warned me that we were in this for the long haul. He said as long as I monitored well and baby monitored well, he would allow me to labor as long as possible. His exact words, “I’m here until 8 am tomorrow.” We had arrived at the hospital around 8 am on Wednesday, so that gave me 24 hours. I KNEW that I would have Bennett before 24 hours…it never even crossed my mind that it might take longer.

My birth plan was to labor and deliver naturally. Patrick and I fully believed that I could do it. I didn’t like the idea of being confined to a bed, laying on my back and having a whole bunch of needles in me. Ok, let me be honest… it was the needles part that freaked me out the most. I had to compromise and get a heplock which is where they start an IV but it isn’t attached to anything which allows me to move around and labor. The contractions became harder, closer together and I began to get into full blown labor mode. I walked the halls with Patrick, bounced on the birthing ball and before I knew it, it was early afternoon. Every 15 minutes out of 60, I had to be in my room to be hooked back up to all the machines to monitor our vitals. I’m thankful that the nurses never complained about all the hooking and unhooking that this required. By early evening, contractions were close and took a lot of work to breath, groan, work through. I was beginning to tire and they decided to finally check me. I was sure that they would say, “You’re at an 8, almost there!” My doctor came in and decided to check me….. let me tell you, that was one of the most painful things that happened that day. I lost it. I screamed and writhed and begged him to stop. Tears poured from my eyes and pain shot through my body. This is probably the first time Patrick had seen me in that much pain.  I was NOT expecting it to be that painful, especially since I had cervical checks prior to that, that NEVER felt remotely close to that. I don’t share that to scare any first time moms, but this was just my experience.

After I regained control, I asked how much I had progressed. I was already in hour 12 of labor (I’m assuming it was around 5 pm). The amount of devastation that followed her response was crushing. I was only 2 cm’s dilated and he was still high. 1.5 CM’s IN 12 HOURS!!! I sobbed. I questioned myself. I was tired, hungry and wanted to be done. I stared at Patrick as he stroked my hair and reassured me that I could do it. That he was proud of me and that he loved me. We decided to continue on the natural route and labor on. Between 5 and 9, things became a lot harder. Contractions were close, hard and exhausting. I labored standing up a lot due to having some back issues prior to going into labor. Around 8, we decided to try and have me labor in the bed on my knees while leaning over the birthing ball for support. After an hour of this and knowing that I was physically come to my end, Patrick and I asked everyone except the nurse to leave the room. 15 hours of laboring naturally and I was exhausted. I would shake my head with tears in my eyes every time I felt a contraction come on. I didn’t want to labor anymore. I began thinking that if I COULD make it to the pushing part, I would be too exhausted to push. I wanted to enjoy Bennett when he arrived. I didn’t want to pass out the moment he entered into the world. I was emotional, exhausted and knew it was time to discuss the option of an epidural. Patrick and I talked with the nurse on how it works and then asked her if we could have a few minutes to talk alone. This was the first time Patrick and I had been alone since labor really picked up and the quietness and intimacy of just him and I was refreshing. I was terrified of getting an epidural. I didn’t want something in my spine but I didn’t want to labor in pain anymore. I was done. I needed to rest and Patrick knew this. We prayed and made the decision to try to labor for a little bit longer and then if I REALLY was done, we would ask for the epidural. I labored for around an hour and finally through tears, I whimpered, “I’m done” and Patrick knew I meant it. It was time for an epidural. They were quick to bring me relief. They hooked me up to the IV and started me on a bag of fluids which were needed prior to the epidural. I had to labor another 30-40 minutes while the fluids pumped and then the anesthesiologist arrived. I sat up on the side of the bed and stared at Patrick and bawled. I was so scared. Terrified. Patrick was my rock and he told me over and over again that I could do this, that I was strong. It was almost over. He loved me. It brings tears to my eyes (again) thinking about how much Patrick supported me during the labor process. I love my husband and the labor and delivery process brought us closer than I could have ever imagined. I cried as I told the doctor doing the epidural about how I was so scared. It wasn’t a horrible feeling but it definitely was painful. I felt everything. I felt the needle go in, the tubes, whatever he was doing… I felt it all but I didn’t flinch. Even when the contraction happened during the process, I was frozen. Just like that, it was over with and they laid me back in the bed.

At this point, Lenona, my nurse, asked me what my pain level was. I said, it was very minimal if none. She laughed and said, “That’s great because you’re in the middle of a contraction”. I told her to shutup. HAHAH! It was more of a “are you kidding me shut up and not a stop talking shut up.” My pain was gone and it was time to get some rest. We invited Jenn (Doula), Amanda (photographer), and both the grandma’s to come up and see me before we sent everyone away so that we could sleep. It was so nice seeing everyone. I realized I had my eyes closed in pain for most of the day so it was really great to see and talk with everyone. The grandma’s and Jenn decided to stay downstairs and sleep and Amanda headed home to nurse her son and grab a few hours of rest before heading back to photograph the remainder of the birth.

Once everyone left, Patrick and I talked about the days events and realized that our son would be born on the 25th instead of the 24th. With numb legs, they rolled me on my side so I could sleep and finally get some rest. Lenona sat in our room most of the night monitoring me and rolling me to a different side every hour. She preformed hourly ice tests to see the level of the epidural and asked me my pain level. We bonded. I asked about family and she asked about mine. I found out that Bennett would be born on her daughters birthday (28 years ago). Lenona was amazing. She was sweet, kind and patient with me. I began to get nervous that Bennett wouldn’t arrive before her shift ended at 7 am. She promised to come back and visit me if she missed the birth, in which she did. I wanted her to meet him. I felt like I had known her forever and she was exactly what I needed during the long night. Around 1:00 am, I realized the epidural had worn off on my right side. THAT was painful. That meant I could feel the contractions again AND the catheter that they had placed. They rolled me on my right side in hopes that the epidural would cover the nerves on the right side and bring me relief again. Unfortunately this process was miserable due to my back problems and I was back to having to breath and moan through my contractions. While it was just Patrick and I, Lenona decided to check me at 2 and then 3:30. At 2:00, I was 4-5 centimeters dialated. At 3:30, I was almost an 8. This was so encouraging. We alerted everyone to come back to the room around 5:30. I labored on my side for the rest of the morning. I no longer felt the pain from the contractions but the pressure from them was very intense.

Everyone arrived around 5:30 am and the labor process continued until 7ish? Between 6:30 and 7, things progressed quickly. The nurses and doctors were surprised at how fast I felt the need to push.They checked me and I was almost a 10! They allowed me to start pushing. I STILL was unaware of how much work it was going to take to actually deliver him. I began pushing on my side and eventually they flipped me to my back so that Jenn and Patrick could hold my legs. For 2 hours, I pushed. I felt defeated. I was frustrated. I was absolutely exhausted. I was in pain. I began to fall asleep…. or passing out, not really sure…. in between contractions. I sobbed again as Lenona left and was replaced with Kelly? (I think that was her name). Kelly was kind but stern. She was exactly what I needed to get through the pushing phase. At 8 am, my doctors changed and thankfully my number 1 choice doctor walked into my room. It’s funny, I originally didn’t care for him but throughout my visits, he became my favorite.

At points I would cry through pushing, towards the end, I was screaming at Dr. Anderson to get this baby out. I didn’t care how. Patrick and Jenn were champs as they held my legs and I pushed against them as hard as I could to get Bennett to come down. There were several moments that I remember distinctly. 1. Before Lenona left, she said she could feel hair on  Bennett’s head. I was so excited. 2. When Kelly could start to see Bennett’s head as I pushed him down. They even let me see it in the mirror but that was WAY too distracting haha. 3. The moments between Patrick and I as he cheered me on. Again, he was my rock. He brought me back when I lost control of my emotions. He reminded me that I could do it. I remember him beginning to cry towards the end, knowing we were about to meet Bennett.

I begged Dr. Anderson to get Bennett out. With everyone telling me that I could do it, I didn’t believe I could. A c-section even crossed my mind. Dr. Anderson bluntly joked, “What? You want a c-section? You know you don’t want that”. Patrick thankfully answered NO before I could cave in. I remember everyone coaching me on and telling me he is almost here. I can do this. More pushing. More pleading with God to get him out. More realizing that it had to be ME to push him out. In sheer desperation, I begged Dr. A again to help me. I was so tired. He offered to use the vacuum and said he would be out in 1 contraction. If not, I still had 30-45 minutes of pushing. I asked what complications there were and decided to keep on pushing. I pleaded with God, I cried, I grunted, I moaned, I pushed and worked harder than I EVER have in my entire life.

I felt everything, the epidural was long gone and Bennett was crowning. I just kept hearing everyone say, “HE HAS SO MUCH HAIR!!! KEEP PUSHING, YOU’RE ALMOST DONE!” I pushed and pushed and then Dr. Anderson grabbed him and out he came. He arrived at 9:17 am on September 25th. All bloody and gross they placed him on my chest. Dr. A waited to cut the cord (delayed cord clamping) and then allowed Patrick to cut the cord closer to Bennett’s body. He was here. He was mine. I did it. In my blubbery exhausted state, I asked everyone to sing Happy Birthday. We all sang and it was a beautiful moment. Even Dr. A sang (and laughed) with us.

I did it and I even I kept saying, “I did it!” I was so thankful that he was out and that it was over. The next hours were a blurr. He weighed in at 8 lbs 2 oz and started nursing like a champ. Patrick and I finally had our son. He was here, healthy and perfect. We began looking him up and down. His toes, his ears, his hair, everything. Our sweet baby boy, was finally here and we couldn’t be happier. I’m so thankful for the team that surrounded me. The people who cheered me on when I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore. For a doctor who followed my birth plan even after it changed. For a hospital who let me labor for 30 hours and never once mentioned a c section. For a photographer who captured our first moments as a family of 3 and our last as a family of 2. For a doula who supported whatever decision I made, even when I decided that an unmedicated birth wasn’t how my story would end.

For a husband who was with me every step of the way. Every painful contraction, he was there to tell me I could do it. Every time I wanted to give up, he was there to remind me that I was strong and that I could get through it. For when I was too weak to hold my self up, he carried my weight. Bennett’s birth changed us, but not in a bad way. It made us closer, stronger, more in love. After going through that, we can conquer anything together. We make a great team. I am so thankful for my husband and my best friend.

I was admitted into Rex with a vision of how my birth was going to go. I envisioned a shorter birth, all natural and only a few pushes. None of that happened but that’s ok. All the events that took place, brought me my Bennett. All the hard work, all the crying, pushing, screaming, pleading…. everything… it was worth it. I love my son. He is absolutely perfect and I am one blessed mama. I wanted to write out his birth story to reflect on in the years to come. I didn’t want to forget the details as time passes. Birth changed me and brought me into a new season and I want to remember it all. I know this was long and kudos to  you if you made it this far into reading it. Thank you for all the support and love that we have received over the past week. It truly means the world.

I hope you enjoyed Bennett’s birth story and I look forward to sharing more of our Relbot adventures as our family experiences all that this life has to offer. I’ll add more pictures whenever I get the chance. 🙂

With love,

Ann and Bennett